Dear Lost and Confused,

It was to save people just such suffering, that God made his Plan. Your girlfriend's preacher was right, and she is right to ask you to leave, painful as it must be for her. Once you are out of the house, and having a chaste relationship, you both will be able to evaluate whether to get married, if possible.

The sex bond is powerful, and causes bonding hormones that blind a person to the negative qualities in a partner — that is one reason sex belongs after the commitment. Both of you have been enjoying each other, not serving or committed to each other, but humans are not means for our enjoyment, they are ends in themselves. Without commitment, there is no family.

If she is one of the best people you have ever known, then have respect for her, and don't use her.

If you are validly married, don't ruin her chances of finding a mate for life. If you are not validly married, then think about marriage. Marriage is the bond that expresses commitment and family, the bond that provides the nest into which new life can safely come.

Without marriage, your sexual activity is dangerous to the children it might bring about, and if you are actively preventing children by birth control or abortifacient devices or pills, then your sexual activity is mutual use and a lie, because it says "self-giving" but withholds the "for life" part — in both its senses.

God does not want you to be lost and confused, but everyone who lives the way you are living will end up lost and confused. God wants you to have a firm, stable, loving, happy and life-giving union with a woman who loves you enough to marry you.

As for your stuff, you gave it away with your eyes open.

You might ask the preacher for some help there. :)

Mary Ann