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Hi, Michele —
I empathize for your situation. One of the most difficult things a family
member has to endure is the FREE WILL of another family member
to do something that is not in the best interest of their soul, their
faith or their family's faith.
A big problem we have in the Church today is a lack of proper catecheses
and a lack of a prayer life to support it.
Without a daily prayer life, today's media culture will take Catholics
away from the Church quickly.
The bad news: You and your sister have to accept the free will and
responsibility that her son has to ensure the spiritual needs and salvation
of his children.
No one else can do this. What does your [sister's son's wife]
think about this issue?
In tough family situations similar to these, it's good to get into the
habit of thinking about everyone who could be involved in the "family
and friends" scope of things.
Sometimes a relative, distant cousin, distant friend or acquaintance made
be able to befriend,
in a charitable manner, your sister's son and persuade
him through a mild, friendly Christian witness to at least re-think the
issue.
To your question:
Is there anything she can do to help her grandson's situation?
Yes.
- Pray on a regular basis and in a persevering manner for this
specific issue to be resolved.
and
- If she has a semi-good relationship with her son and she can talk about faith issues in a mature, charitable, constructive
manner, without her being dictatorial, I would encourage it. (I would
at least gently remind him of what Our Lord Himself said about the necessity
of Baptism for salvation.) This is a basic Christian belief.
If they can't OR your sister is perceived as the ultra religious one in
the family,
she has to walk a prayerful line between:
- Just being a silent witness [I know this can be hard] and a good
mother with an open ear really to help
and
- offering suggestions, ONLY when asked for.
(Don't
answer un-asked questions.)
What I've found out at my family get-togethers is sometimes
a religious subject will be brought up for no reason at all.
I usually remain quiet until someone asks for my opinion. (Maybe they
expect me to jump out right away and say something.)
In these situations, you can get caught in a Catch 22 in the sense
that:
if you DON'T say something:
you can be perceived as not being interested in the topic but
if you DO say something,
you can be perceived as intruding into a subject or topic where you
were never asked for your opinion on.
Because my family perceives me as an overly religious person; something
my nephews, in their teens, have no interest in,
I strive to remain
quiet.
If I "jump in" and respond to something, if
not done sensitively,
it can lead to a bitter tensions between family members and the last thing
you want is bad relationships with family members.
I know "biting your tongue" and being silence can be hard at times,
but at times, it's the best way to go.
This reminds me of what Steve Wood from dads.org once said:
You can't transmit religious value until first build good relationships
with your family members.
Before I ever visit my brother's house I say the following prayer:
Lord give me the grace to SAY the things I should say,
at the right time and in the right manner and NOT TO SAY anything I shouldn't
say.
Give me the grace to DO the things I should do,
at the right time and in the right manner and NOT DO anything I shouldn't
do.
Amen.
Below are some lengthy postings that address some of the issues involved
in your situation.
They may provide information you hadn't thought of so, IF and WHEN
you are asked about something,
you will be better informed.
Hope this helps,
Mike
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