Hi, Josephine —

One of the tough things about being a loving Catholic mother is accepting the fact that each family member, that is old enough to take care of themselves, has their own free will which they can use for their own spiritual well-being or not.

It's their free will, not yours or your husband's. I know this is tough to hear, but it's important.

If your daughter married a Jewish man in the Church, she should have received a dispensation from the bishop in order for the marriage to be a valid, sacramental marriage.

The Jewish man would also have to understand that any fruit of their love [the children], through their marital embraces, would have to be raised Catholic and he would have to agree not to interfere with this.

It obviously doesn't sound like this happened, unless they when back on their promise to the Church, but that's their problem, not yours.

Whether your daughter entered into a valid or invalid marriage, the best you and your husband can do is pray for them and be a good Catholic witness. St Francis tells us "Evangelize the world, and when necessary, use words". His point: A silent, but holy witness can do a lot to effect other people's lives. Share with them what me and my colleagues have said in this posting, but in a charitable manner.

Occasionally, I sense our culture views Judaism and Catholicism as at opposite ends of the spectrum.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Salvation comes from the Jews. (John 4:22) Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the Apostles where all Jews at one point.

We would say the Fulfillment of Judaism is found in the Catholic Church. Judaism is the seed. Catholicism is the flower.  Any Jewish man or woman who joins the Church will feel so much at home because they will realize many of the traditions and customs they have, we ALSO have!!

• an altar of sacrifice
• celebrating the Passover, we do it daily.
• confessing sins to a priest
• praying for the dead
• Oral Tradition

For the Catholic that believes in prayer, it can move mountains.

I recommend you and your husband say the Rosary together daily for your daughter and your daughter's family.

If you are on good terms with your daughter, share with her your concerns in a charitable manner.
Ask charitably, if she and her husband would be open to making an appointment with a priest to talk over these issues.

If the answer is No, just keep praying for them and be their for her if she needs you in the future.

Hope this helps,

Mike

Hi, Josephine —

You said:
I can't talk to my daughter either because she is afraid of her husband, mother-in-law and his aunt.

Your daughter is afraid of her husband?

If there is NO physical or verbal abuse involved, the best you and your husband can do is pray for her and strive to develop a good relationship with her. One that is willing to help her with any problems she is having.

As a well-known Catholic, Steve Wood has said,

You cannot transmit religious values to anyone in the family until you first develop a good relationship.  One, where those in question, trust in you and believe in you.

That's why I've always enjoyed playing basketball, pool, baseball and video games with my nephews.

If there is possible physical or verbal abuse involved, I would make an appointment with the pastor where she got married and inform him about what is going on.  I would also call the police and talk to them about the situation.

Currently, it appears your granddaughter, by the example of her parents. will be raised Jewish.  Right now, there is nothing you can do about this except pray for the situation.

By virtue of his Catholic baptism, your grandson is a Catholic Christian. He should be encouraged to pray for his sister. You should also talk to the pastor about what can be done about your grandson receiving catechetical instruction that would allow him to receive his First Communion and Confirmation.

I wish I could give you more positive advice.

If your daughter is open to it, I would encourage her to visit our web site and ask ANY question that is on her mind.

Here is the best place to start: http://www.askacatholic.com/Catholic_Answers.cfm#ask_us

Maybe my colleagues add some additional advice.

Mike

HI, Joanne —

In danger of death, anyone, even an atheist, can baptize, if they use the proper Trinitarian formula for Baptism.

In your situation, though, this could not be done. I don't know what more I can say that I haven't said already.

Although in your situation may be a hard one, I would strive to build a good relationship with "the enemy" in your situation.

If it is an impossible task, I would just ignore them and pray for them. If you are not on good speaking terms with your daughter, at least let her know, you are there for her if she needs your help.

• Strive to be a kind loving mother and good silent witness by doing kind things for them.
• Don't get pulled into conversations that will be fruitless
• and believe that your perpetual prayer for the conversion of your daughter's husband and his whole family will occur
• Finally, like my non-practicing Catholic mother has told me:
  
  "Michael, Kill'em with kindness!"
  
  She has elaborated, "Show them that you are more mature then the current situation dictates."

These posting from two of my colleagues will confirm what I've told you.

Mike

• If I baptize my grandchild because her parents will not, does this count?
• Is there anyway I can get them baptized without their permission?
  

Hi, Joann —

The Church does not baptize a child without the permission of at least one parent. After all, the parents have the responsibility to determine the religious formation of the child. The Church respects that, and you should too!

Sadly, your daughter is making a mistake about the religious upbringing of their children, and you just have to let that happen. With the help of God, you can keep a good relationship with her, her husband and their children.

What you can do is to be a good model. And I should say: worrying about things is not a good example. Padre Pio used to tell people:

"Pray, hope, and don't worry."

As for keeping the granddaughter at home? I never heard of such a thing!

You can encourage your daughter a little from time to time to live her Catholic life actively, attend Mass, and go to Confession occasionally. If she does that, then you can trust that she will eventually have her child baptized.

If that doesn't happen, maybe in a few years when your grandson and granddaughter are older, they may talk to you about God, and you can teach them their basic prayers.

For now, you simply have to trust in the Mercy of God. Part of the Divine Mercy devotion is to say to Jesus:

"Jesus, I trust in You."

That's what I recommend you do.

--Richard Chonak