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I am concerned about my sister becoming a Methodist. My
father was Unitarian/Universalist and my mother is Catholic.
We were required to go to church twice on Sundays — to
both churches. When we moved, Dad stopped going to church
but we always practiced our Catholic faith.
My sister left the Catholic Church about 15 years ago
when she got married. At that time, she and James, her current husband, sought an annulment from James's previous marriage. It
was too intrusive, so they didn't complete the process.
It left bitterness and resentment in their hearts and since then, she
hasn't come back to the Church. I think, somewhere
in that process, a priest spoke of money being
a facilitator in the annulment!
Over the past couple years, I knew my sister was searching through
religious web sites, seeking answers. Last week, I found
out she has joined the Methodist church!!
She has mentioned that it is very disturbing that she can go to Mass but without the possibility of receiving Holy Communion. I read on your site that one
of the main reasons people return to the Catholic church
is because of Holy Communion or the Eucharist.
My sister doesn't
feel that this is possible.
Do you have any comments or advice for us?
Thanks,
Anonymous
{
How do I handle my sister's bitterness, resentment, and separation from the Church? }
Mike
replied:
Hi, Anonymous —
Thanks for the question.
You said: At that time, she and James, her current husband, sought an annulment for James's previous marriage. It
was too intrusive, so they didn't complete the process.
It left bitterness and resentment in their hearts and since then, she
hasn't come back to the Church.
I think your primary goal should be to ensure that
your sister and James understand why the Church requires
an annulment.
The simple answer is because the Church, who has
bound Herself to Our Lord's Words in the Scriptures and Oral Tradition, which has been passed down through the centuries,
cannot bless bigamy.
Catholic Christians believe that marriage is between one man and one woman, that is conjugally open to
bringing new life into the world for today's society and future civilizations.
If one digs deeper, we can theologically see a manifestation of the Trinity propagated down through Christendom from generation to generation:
with the husband, representing God the Father
the wife (in a certain way) representing His Son, Jesus, and
the Love between to Two Persons of the Trinity being so great that it brings forth the Holy Spirit, the fruit of their physical, conjugal embrace: their children!
If my human explanation is hard to understand, try this article.
The purpose of an annulment is to see whether your
sister has previously entered into a valid, Trinitarian marriage.
The Church has no interest in intruding into areas
or a person's life that are not related to determining
the validity of her marriage.
You said: I think, somewhere
in that process, a priest spoke of money being
a facilitator in the annulment!
Here is a web
page on Misconceptions About [Declarations
of Nullity] (Annulments)
In a previous answer my colleague Eric had the following dialogue with a
questioner:
Questioner:
. . . She is also having trouble
understanding why it cost so much to get an annulment
in the Catholic Church, and why money should
be involved.
Eric:
Well, many dioceses do annulments for free, or
provide help for those who have trouble affording
them. That being said, there are a lot of professionals
involved in the annulment process and they need
to be paid. Some of them even have families to
feed. The annulment process is a legal one and
costs the diocese a lot of money (think of how
much money lawyers cost — an annulment involves
several canon lawyers).
Consider, for example, the cost of a divorce in
legal fees. The fees for an annulment, when required,
don't even begin to cover its cost.
Dioceses can't always afford to cover the full
cost of annulments themselves, and so sometimes
they charge a fee. Rest assured, this is not by
any means a source of profit for the diocese!
If it is a financial burden, I urge you to talk
to the tribunal about it to see what they can do.
The point is not to put a burden on the petitioner
but to have them make a contribution, even if it
is small, to what is a very expensive process.
Eric
You said: She has mentioned that it is very disturbing that she can go to Mass but without the possibility of receiving Holy Communion.
It's important for her to understand that when Catholics
receive Holy Communion, we are making a public expression
of what we believe. We are publicly saying we are in a Common Union with Jesus and the Teachings of His Church.
Whether the Catholic in the pew knows it or not,
they are saying,
I believe in all the Church has revealed through
Jesus and the only Church He founded on St. Peter
and his successors.
If your sister doesn't believe what the Church teaches
and doesn't follow the practices of the Church, she should not receive Holy Communion in any Catholic
Church, even if the priest allows her to.
If your sister is in a previous, valid marriage,
the Church, reflecting what Our Lord says in the
Scriptures, would see her union with James as adulterous.
If there is a probability that her previous marriage
was invalid, (allowing her to re-marry in the
eyes of the Catholic Church), she has nothing to fear
about the annulment process.
Does this make sense?
You handle this situation by respecting your sister's and brother-in-law's decisions while supporting them by your good Catholic witness and prayers.
Hope this helps,
Mike
Please report any and all typos or grammatical errors.
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