Hi, guys —

I am a fifteen-year-old girl and have been raised in the Catholic Church all of my life. My faith has always been very important to me, particularly in the last year or two, but I am currently struggling. In my family, faith has been a very private thing. Though we go to Church every Sunday, it confuses me why:

• we never pray before meals and
• I never see my parents reading the Bible.

When my mom sees me reading the Scriptures, she seems surprised and sounds somewhat sarcastic about it.  It has gotten to the point where I only read the Bible when she's not around or
I hide the book when I hear her coming.

Right now, God feels far away and I feel like I need some help to get back on the right track. Because faith has always been so private for us, I'm not comfortable talking to my parents about the confusion I'm going through. (especially because part of it has to do with them and I'm not sure how they would react.) I have been considering going to one of the priests at our parish, however, I'm unsure for a few reasons.

1. I don't want my parents to find out, because I think it would hurt them if they found out
   I hadn't gone to them first. They are amazing parents who I am very close to; I tell them everything.

• Is it okay to go to a priest without telling them?

I'm feeling generally confused and unsure. I guess I just need some guidance, but I'm not sure how to ask for it.

2. At one point, I had a crush on one of the priests (from a distance, nothing serious), and
   I don't wish to re-ignite those feelings, because they are not too far away.
   
   
   Should I go to the other priest instead though he does not inspire my faith quite as much?
   
   I think I connect better with the first one because he is fairly young and talks about issues that are relevant in my life. I don't want these feelings to affect my decision, because
   I want this to be about getting closer to God.
   
   
3. Additionally, I don't know how to meet with a priest without my parents knowing. I have not been to Confession since my First Reconciliation, and I really need to go, but I don't know how to approach my parents about it because it's not something we ever talk about.
   
   
   • Would it be okay for me to contact the priest by e-mail and explain the situation to him?
   • Is it normal to go to a priest when you're confused?

I have read that the sacrament of Reconciliation cannot be performed through e-mail, but it has to be administered in person.

• If that is the case, how can I receive it?

I am really afraid my parents will find out about this, but I need to resolve these issues. I am feeling really alone and confused, and doing nothing is not helping at all. I think both: talking to a priest and going to Confession might help. At one point, I was considering biking eight miles to Church to talk with the priest, but I don't even know if I have the guts to e-mail him.

Any advice you could give me would greatly be appreciated.

Thank you so much!

Alicia