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Judy wrote:

Hi guys,

I'm currently a rising senior at a private Catholic High School.

All my life I've been going to a Catholic school. Faith for me has always been one of the biggest parts of my life. Without it, I know my life would just be full of confusion and anxiety. Growing up I would go to church mindlessly. I'd go with my school during the week and then again with my family on Sunday. I'm also Filipino which means Catholicism runs more than skin deep. My entire life was full of praying novenas and learning the meaning and correct interpretation of the Scriptures.

I know I'm not perfect. I mess up, things happen, and I lose my way . . . everybody does, but whenever things get really difficult I always turn back and ask, why, or ask my grandfather to intercede for me because I believe he's looking out for me. He passed away in April 2004. At the time, I was a few months old but I always heard stories about him and always feel that he's there looking out for me. I went back home to the Philippines last year and we went to his church for a Christmas Mass and the people there knew him (and all the work he did for the Church).

I was sitting in the pew and my mom said, pointing at the pew a few rows ahead of us, that's where Papa sat. I looked at it and just cried and I don't really know why. He's been the person I have turned to when I needed to talk and I've been talking to him after I pray at night . . . until I met this boy.

In my eyes, he is perfect. He's got a smile that lights up a room. A personality that you can't help but fall in love with good morals and family values. We met at church. We talked and eventually tried dating.

Everything seemed fine, even perfect but months passed and he broke my heart and we stopped seeing each other. We never fought or yelled at one another. I would always try to be understanding and, given the circumstances, I was always trying to be there for him nevertheless I couldn't see him.

I live in a household with a lot of high risk people.

  • My dad needs a kidney transplant
  • My Grandma is 88, and
  • my mom is a nurse

I want to protect my family; that's what is most important. I really miss him and miss talking to him. He could always put a smile on my face and he gave me confidence in myself and my abilities. I was comfortable around him. We talked about life and our personal struggles and would help each other grow and get better. Now we don't talk. He went from my best friend to a stranger. Here's my question for you:

  • Why was he put into my life?

So many things in both of our lives had to match up just for us to meet.

  • We don't live in the same town
  • we don't go to school together
  • we don't have the same interests that would cause us to go to an event to meet.

We first met in God's House, at church. You can't help but infer that the Lord's house is a place of goodness, a place of safety and that good things come from it. He brought us together because of our religious beliefs. If I didn't go to church or if I didn't get confirmed, we would never have met, and the same is true on his end.

So many things had to line up in order for anything to happen. I was a good active Catholic and that's what brought him into my life. There has to be a reason why we met but I'm so confused as to what that reason is. God doesn't put people in our lives just to hurt us. I don't believe that but I do believe there was a reason for him coming into my life.

  • What is it?

Judy
  { Why was this perfect Catholic man who I met in Church, brought into my life yet taken away? }

Bob replied:

Judy,

Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your story.

It is easy to see the sincerity in your heart. What you are experiencing is something that every Christian goes through, and it is helping you to grow into the full stature of a strong Christian woman. God often withholds the answers to the questions that perplex our minds and hearts because He needs us to grow in trust. You can't get strong if there is no resistance; that is why people lift weights. Right now you are lifting weights . . . heavy weight in your heart and soul. Maybe the only reason is just that. Maybe it is something more, like someday you will have a child who will look to you for answers and you will have had an experience like this that relates to their struggle.

I have been through this too. I know heartbreak but I also know that when I trusted God, He surpassed my hopes and expectations. I found a loving wife that turns out to be the best match God could have picked for me so I needed trust and patience, but it was worth it.

The well-known saying that you are young and have your life in front of you is of little consolation right now, but it is still worth saying. This matter of finding the right mate may be for a different chapter of your life — for my wife, she really wasn't looking to date seriously or start a big relationship, but she went out with me anyway. I didn't twist her arm or place any hopes or expectations on it either, but God had something else in mind, though it was not clear for some time.

To make a long story short, we ended up dating then breaking up after we had been dating seriously when a friend turned us on to this book that did not advocate steady dating relationships at all before marriage. In essence, the premise was that the only true commitment comes with a ring, all others are counterfeit. So by taking this woman and calling her my girlfriend I was attempting to take her off the market under false pretenses. So I needed to figure it out without the pretense of this false covenant. I did, but not until we both had been free to date other people for several months in the interim, which you can imagine was full of challenges.

The real decision and commitment was made when I asked for her hand in marriage and she said yes. Then everything was clear. We went through trials of not knowing what God's Will was, but we did eventually get our prayers answered so instead of asking why, ask what?

  • God what do you want of me right now?
  • How can I serve you?
  • Who needs me today?

When you take the focus off of yourself, you will realize God has always had His focus on you and has had a plan all along.

Peace,

Bob Kirby

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