Hi, guys —

I'm a 19-year-old female, and I can't really tell if I'm being scrupulous or actually sinning.

I'm mostly having trouble with potentially lustful glances. My typical scenario is that perhaps I see something that might appear immodest or can be construed in an impure context, and I'll immediately look away. Then afterward, an overwhelming feeling pops into my mind that causes me to glance at least once more. The thing I'm struggling with is what exactly is motivating me to look again. It's a bit hard for me to discern completely what happened as it tends to happen within the span of 5 seconds or less. I can't tell if I'm freaking out because I see the potential danger of lust if I was curious in an impure manner or perhaps shocked by the image. If I tell myself there was no lustful motivator, I feel as if I'm lying to myself. Then, if I say that there was a lustful motivation, it doesn't feel as if it is exactly accurate to the situation. When I take the extra glance(s), I'm not lusting at them as I look at it; it's just the motivation I'm confused about.

It's becoming a bit debilitating because even looking at someone's figure in my peripheral vision as I'm speaking to them, feels as if I'm being lustful. It wears me out, too, since this problem suddenly became very intense out of nowhere. I practice drawing a lot, and before, I used to have no problem looking up anatomy studies, but now it has become a source of fear. I don't exactly want to look down at the floor all the time because my mind can't stop the constant images and thoughts in my head despite my efforts to try to get rid of them.

I've been going to Confession frequently and confessing these doubtful sins, but I fear I'm just entertaining an impulse. I also have a very strong urge to stop receiving the Eucharist, thinking I'm in mortal sin, but I still receive it anyway, which I then proceed to bring up in my next Confession just to be safe.

I had my sexual sins under control for the past couple of years now, so the idea of them coming back really terrifies me. I honestly think I'm being scrupulous, but I also don't want to lie to myself if I still am having a problem with chastity. The idea of committing mortal sin within the span of 5 seconds or less also sounds a bit ridiculous, but I don't really know anymore. Sometimes, I'll ask priests for spiritual direction. Still, I think they don't understand my situation either due to the language barrier we have (a lot of priests in my area are from Africa), or they hear anything relating to lust and immediately assume it's mortal. I'm still going to look for a spiritual director, but I'll admit I'm a little nervous, considering these past experiences.

• Is this mortal sin or scrupulosity?
• Should I continue bringing these doubtful sins to Confession?
• Is the time period too short, and therefore, there is a lack of full knowledge?

Hopefully, this makes sense, and thanks for the help!

Suzy