Dear Melanie,

What great news that you and your boyfriend want to become Catholic. Welcome home; you've made the right decision.

The first step to begin is to renounce and turn away from (repent from) everything that blocks your relationship and communion with God — this is what we call "sin". We sin when we do things that go against our nature and separate us from God. Sin brings forth spiritual death (Romans 6:16, 23). So, you need to identify those areas in your life that are not in harmony with the Gospel, asking God's forgiveness, and eliminating them, and walking in the other direction, asking God for the grace to do so.

You've already identified one area: Because you are divorced, and the Catholic Church doesn't recognize divorce as a means of dissolving a marriage, and presumably, your husband is still alive. If you are having relations with your boyfriend, you are committing adultery in the eyes of God. (The problem is not so much in your boyfriend being your roommate from a living arrangement standpoint; while I'd advise someone not to take that step if they weren't doing it, since you're already doing that, first things first.) So, the first thing to do is:

1. to stop having relations with your boyfriend and then
2. stop putting yourself in situations where you might be tempted to yield on this again
   (e.g., stop sleeping in the same bed, work out a way to sleep in different rooms, and, when possible, live in different locations).

I know this is difficult, but "with God, all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26). If you fail, ask for forgiveness and resolve to try again. "As many times as you fall, arise, and you shall be saved."

The next step is to establish a regular prayer life and Scripture study and to start to go to Mass on Sundays (I presume you live in a Western country like the U.S.) — but don't receive Communion, which you'll first receive when you are baptized. The saints tell us that we cannot be saved without prayer. The Catholic faith tells us that we are born under the dominion of Satan, who considers God as his enemy and does everything he can to keep us on his side.

Baptism frees us from his domain and brings us into adoption as daughters and sons of God into His Kingdom. So, Satan will use every trick and deception he can find to keep control over you and keep you under his thumb. This is one reason why prayer is so important; the other, more important reason, of course, is that we need to establish and maintain a relationship with God, Who is the goal of our faith. He also gives us the power (grace) and strength to obey the Gospel and protects us from the evil one. Without His grace, we can do nothing (John 15:5). The quicker we learn we are powerless without reliance on God, the better off we are. So, start each day dedicating the day to God before you do anything else. I say,

"Lord, I consecrate this day to you for your greater glory and for union with you."

It can be in your own words, or you can find something in a prayer book. What matters is that you do it. Set aside a time in the morning (morning is best; otherwise, you'll make excuses why you can't do it in the evening, plus it's good to consecrate the "first fruits" of the day to God, to sacrifice to Him the first time of the day), and tell God you love Him, ask Him to increase that love, to enable you to live out the Gospel, to flood you with torrents of His grace and mercy. If you can't think of anything to say, pray the Our Father (The Lord's Prayer) — I've included the text below — and just pour out your heart to God and lay your concerns at His feet. There is a long list of things you can pray for, but I don't wish to burden you at first; what's most important is that you establish a daily habit of prayer, even if it starts short.

The Faith is a love affair, and lovers like to read letters from their beloved, so reading Scripture is an important part of your relationship with God. Start with the Gospels: The accounts of the life and times of Jesus. Perhaps start with Mark because it is short. Get a Bible if you don't have one. Read the Gospels straight through. Don't rush through them, don't try to get ambitious at first, just read a section or a couple of paragraphs as many days as you can.

I'd also get a Catechism of the Catholic Church, which is the official teaching summary of the Catholic faith. Sometimes Scripture is hard to understand, and it's helpful to get the bigger picture or synthesis of what it says and how it fits into what we believe and to have an organized summary of the faith. If you're ambitious, read it cover-to-cover, but I'm not going to push that; if you don't know the Bible, that's the priority, and you can use the Catechism as a reference when you have questions. Check to see if your version has an index by Scripture verse, so if you have any questions about a verse, you can look it up to see if it has a comment on it.

Spiritual reading is also important. It is not by a Catholic, but this introduction to the spiritual life is by a very wise spiritual father and is compatible with what we believe:

• The Life of Repentance and Purity – March 1, 2016
  by Pope Shenouda III (Author), Bishop Suriel (Translator)

The next step is to see if you can get a declaration of nullity (popularly called an "annulment") on your previous marriage on the grounds of something defective that occurred before the marriage was contracted.

For example, if you intended beforehand not to have children, did not recognize marriage as a life-long institution or something like that. This is usually a long juridical process that can take a couple of years. I must warn you; the result is not certain: They may decide that there is nothing that existed before your marriage that invalidated it and rule that you are validly married to your ex-husband, in which case all you can do is wait until he dies.

You don't mention your boyfriend's history, but if he was ever married, he would need to pursue an annulment as well.

To get the ball rolling, find your local Catholic parish and inquire with the priest there about a program called "RCIA" (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults), and explain your marriage situation with him. While the annulment is in process, you and your boyfriend can take instruction in the faith and prepare to be received.

Hopefully, that gives you a good start! So to repeat:

1. Identify and repent or turn away from every sin, including relations with your boyfriend.
2. Avoid whatever may lead to sin (we call these "occasions of sin").
3. Start going to Mass on Sundays (daily if you can, but first things first).
4. Establish a regular morning (daily) prayer life, consecrating your day to God and asking for His grace.
5. Get a Bible and start reading the Sacred Scriptures; I suggest starting from the Gospel of Mark.
6. Get a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church (available online here), at least to use as a reference to what we believe.
7. Do some spiritual reading to exhort you and tie everything together.
8. Enroll in RCIA at your local parish.
9. Start the annulment process in the meantime.

This is the Our Father:

The Our Father (In Latin: Pater Noster)

Our Father, Who art in heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

The Catechism uses the Our Father as a model for its teaching on prayer, so if you have any questions about it, consult the Catechism.

We'll be praying for you!

Eric Ewanco