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I was looking for information about faith
and I saw your site; it's really interesting.
I have a girlfriend and we are thinking about
getting married, but she is a Baptist and
I'm a Catholic. We both want to marry in our
own religions and I don't know how to tell
her to get converted. I'm trying to explain
it to her with the Catechism of the Catholic
Church but she doesn't pay any attention.
Can you help me a little?
Is it a good idea to marry someone who is of the same faith?
Thanks,
Erick
{
How do I tell my girlfriend she has to convert for us to marry and is it better for us to be the same faith? }
Mike
replied:
Hi, Erick —
Sorry it took a while to get back
to you. You seem to be under the misunderstanding that when a Catholic marries a Protestant, the Protestant has to convert to the faith. This was true many years ago but is no longer required.
In a mixed marriage the only one making any promise is the Catholic spouse. He or she promises to raise the children of their marriage in the Catholic faith. The only obligation the Protestant or non-Catholic spouse has is:
to be a witness to this promise, and
agree not to interfere
with the Catholic spouse raising their children Catholic.
You would also need to get permission from the bishop (which your pastor
would do for you.)
I would consider only getting married
by a Catholic priest in a Catholic
Church. These issues should not be
taken lightly. Even St. Ignatius of Antioch wrote to Polycarp, in
one of the earliest Church letters
written in 110 A.D., saying not
to marry just for the sake of our
own lust.
Yes, many are called to married life,
but we can't rush things.
You said:
Is it a good idea to marry someone who is of the same faith?
Yes, it is better, though not necessary to marry someone of the same faith.
Marriages
can be legal and valid civilly, but
if it is not Catholic, you will not
receive the important sacramental
graces to get you through the tough
times . . . and there will be tough
times.
I would make sure your girlfriend knows that there is no obligation for her to join the faith unless she wants to.
Our Holy Father, Pope [Emeritus] Benedict XVI has always talked about the importance
of the believer being able to choose
one's faith freely. Even if she wishes
to remain a Baptist, it is very important
to pray for her and your future marriage
on a regular basis.
1633 In many countries the situation
of a mixed marriage, (marriage
between a Catholic and a baptized
non-Catholic), often arises. It
requires particular attention
on the part of couples and their
pastors. A case of marriage with
disparity of cult (between a Catholic
and a non-baptized person) requires
even greater circumspection.
1634 Difference of confession
between the spouses does not constitute
an insurmountable obstacle for
marriage, when they succeed in
placing in common what they have
received from their respective
communities, and learn from each
other the way in which each lives
in fidelity to Christ. But the
difficulties of mixed marriages
must not be underestimated. They
arise from the fact that the separation
of Christians has not yet been
overcome. The spouses risk experiencing
the tragedy of Christian disunity
even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further
aggravate these difficulties.
Differences about faith and the
very notion of marriage, but also
different religious mentalities,
can become sources of tension
in marriage, especially as regards
the education of children. The
temptation to religious indifference
can then arise.
1635 According to the law in force
in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage
needs for liceity the express
permission of ecclesiastical authority. (cf. Code of Canon Law, Canon 1124) In case of disparity of cult an
express dispensation from this
impediment is required for the
validity of the marriage. (cf. Code of Canon Law, Canon 1086) This
permission or dispensation presupposes
that both parties know and do
not exclude the essential ends
and properties of marriage; and
furthermore that the Catholic
party confirms the obligations,
which have been made known to
the non-Catholic party,
of preserving his or her own faith
and ensuring the baptism and education
of the children in the Catholic
Church. (cf. Code of Canon Law, Canon 1125)
1636 Through ecumenical dialogue Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a common pastoral practice for mixed marriages. Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between the couple's obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them.
1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task:
"For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband."
It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this "consecration" should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith. (cf. 1 Corinthians 7:16) Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.
Hope this helps,
Mike Humphrey
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