Dear Anonymous,

Basically, as long as it isn't prurient or arousing, it's OK, but I want to warn the male spouse against getting his sexual satisfaction by changing positions.  I want to suggest that if there is some spice lacking in his marriage that is driving him to do this, perhaps he might want to examine whether he is loving his wife in the fullest way possible.  

If he wants to enrich his sex life, I recommend he get his hands on some Christopher West books or CDs, on John Paul II's, the Theology of the Body.

He can get them here:

• Ask Christopher West
  Christopher and Wendy West answer questions about faith, life, love, and sexuality, in light of John Paul II's Theology of the Body.
• Ascension Press' product line for the Theology of the Body
• Theology of the Body for Beginners: Revised Edition by Christopher West
• Theology of the Body for Teens
• Man and Woman He Created Them: A Theology of the Body by Pope John Paul II

Eric

Dear Anonymous,

Thanks for the question.

Yes, I would say it is OK.

You said:
Is it okay for a married couple to read information about different sexual positions, (when graphic portrayals, drawings — not real people), are used to illustrate the positions with the purpose of learning about sexuality, not of creating excitement?

I have to assume your sincerity when you say: with the purpose of learning about sexuality.

I think we have to admit to a little bias here: Eric and I are single. This question is from a married man. Maybe they do want to learn more about each others sexuality and the best ways each other can experience the Trinitarian spirit during sex. Some guys and gals may have had parents who were to shy to talk to them about "the birds and the bees".

• Is this a sin?

I don't think so.

Mike

OK, I didn't want to weigh in but I will.

I have to take issue with something here.

Eric replied:
. . . but I want to warn the male spouse against getting his sexual satisfaction by changing positions.  I want to suggest that if there is some spice lacking in his marriage that is driving him to do this, perhaps he might want to examine whether he is loving his wife in the fullest way possible.

We are talking about an engineering issue here. People have different anatomical features, height, weight, size, different erogenous zones, etc., etc., etc.

Experimentation with positions is often necessary, not just for the excitement of the husband, but for the pleasure of  the wife. All of which is holy, righteous, and good in the context of marriage.

To that end, if the intent of each spouse is to give of themselves to the other, to please the other in a manner which is open to life, we need to give the married couple great latitude to follow their conscience.

John

Hi Anonymous,

Of course, it is OK to read about and look at drawings of positions.  However, one can easily fall into the trap of cultivating technique over love, and of reifying or technologizing — depersonalizing — the sexual union.  Personally, I think every married couple is unique.  One of the problems of following "how-to" illustrations is that the lovemaking becomes objectified, and it becomes an effort to match something external, when it should be an expression of love and communion.

At the root of pornography is the same thing, the objectification of the love-union.  What is seen is not what is, in the case of sexual union.  What is, is what is meant, felt, expressed and lived by the couple, and that is not something externally observable or replicable.  That is one reason why pornography is such a lie.  It detaches the witnessing people from their own subjectivity, and objectifies the experience of the participants.

Mike said:
Maybe they do want to learn more about each others sexuality and the best ways each other can experience the Trinitarian spirit during sex.

You don't go into sex for the purpose of "experiencing the Trinitarian spirit", as if it were some sort of college spirit.  You go into it to experience self-giving for the other, and for the joy and ecstasy (standing outside oneself) that it brings.

Mary Ann

Hi, guys —

I'm with John about this: learning a certain amount of technique can be a kindness to one's spouse, and even good.

On the other hand, I don't like the expression he used about "following one's conscience", because it leads some people to think that sexual activity is a matter left up to individual discretion, as if Christian moral thought were unable to address the question meaningfully but then John is a bit antinomian!

— RC

Allow me to qualify the thing about following conscience.

Since Vatican II, the expression has become a clarion call for dissent. To that end, I agree with Richard.

However, speaking amongst orthodox Catholics, I assumed you would all understand that beneath the admonition to follow one's conscience, was the charge to form one's conscience according the Teaching of the Catholic Church.

What I think we want to avoid is a legalistic, even over-scrupulous, approach to marital relations.

John