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Rebecca
wrote:
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Hi, guys —
I am a twice-divorced mother of two. I have
finally found the man of my dreams and wish to
remarry for the last time. He is Catholic, and
after much thought, I believe that I would like
to join the Catholic Church. We will probably
marry in Hawaii, not in the Catholic Church.
- Once we are married how difficult is it going
to be for me to join the Catholic Church?
- Will I still have to have previous marriages
annulled even though I am already remarried?
This is something that I have thought about
a lot. I have made some mistakes in my life and
now know that I am on the right track in every
part of my life; joining a church again is so
important to me. I have been doing a lot of research
into the Catholic Church and joining it is something
I want very much. I hope that I don't have
to have my previous marriages annulled, because
that would be almost impossible.
Thanks so much
for any help you can give to me.
Rebecca
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Once we are married, how difficult is it to join the Church and deal with my previous marriages? }
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Mary Ann
replied:
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Dear Rebecca,
You may indeed be able to have your previous marriages annulled. You are
not the judge; the Church is. That is comforting. But it is also true in
other things: we are not the point, God is. What we want and what we would
like is only partly the point. The Lord wants our true good, eternally.
We usually just want what feels good or right to us.
- Dreams are not good categories by which to judge men!
:)
- He is not very Catholic if his first idea is to marry
out of the Church.
- He won't be really married when you "marry" in
Hawaii. A Catholic's marriage bond is sacramental. He will be married
in law, but not in the eyes of God.
- Joining a church must be more than simply one element
on the checklist of your new right track. It has to be about truth, and
about God's will, and about love, not about you. I am being harsh, I
know, because your desire to join the Church probably stems from truth
and love. I am just making the point outrageously so you will see it.
- Follow the truth. Be not afraid. Don't make yourself the
judge of everything. You will get crazy trying to figure it all out.
One step at a time. The Lord gives us light a step at a time, not a floodlight
on the whole road. If you do what is right now, things will work out,
then do the next thing (as the Quakers say) and those things will work
out, etc.
- Be sure you understand why the first two marriages
ended in divorce. I mean, understand yourself — you picked them, regardless
of what they were like.
God bless!
Mary Ann
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Mike replied:
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Dear Rebecca,
You said:
- Once we are married how difficult is it going
to be for me to join the Catholic Church?
- Will I still have to have previous marriages
annulled even though I am already remarried?
For purposes of clarification, the Church can't marry you, if you are already in a valid marriage.
If it did, it would be blessing bigamy. If you truly wish to follow the truth, as Mary Ann alluded to, you should make an appointment with a pastor or priest to talk about:
- your interest in joining the Church, and
- your previous marriages
What we think is impossible, may not be impossible until we try. As Blessed Pope John Paul II said:
Be not afraid!
I would just add . . . and pray. (My preference is the Rosary.)
Hope this helps,
Mike
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