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Anonymous
wrote:
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Hi guys,
My sister-in-law who is
20 years old is getting married this summer to
a 26-year-old man, however her parents disagree
with the union on the grounds that her fiancé is
controlling, manipulative, and selfish — and,
plainly, they just have a deep gut feeling that
he's the wrong guy.
I want to give the relationship
the benefit of a doubt because I love her and
I want to support her, plus I'm in the bridal
party, but it seems as though her fiancé is
only looking out for his benefit and causing
great separation between my sister and the family.
My in-laws have asked me what they should
do, because they strongly oppose the wedding.
- So what should they do?
- What
should I do, if anything?
She has four brothers and all of them have
felt a negativity towards her fiancé due to his
selfishness and lack of care and love towards
their sister.
- Should I still support her in her
marriage?
Thanks and God Bless,
Anonymous
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What should I do if my in-laws and her brothers object to my sister-in-law
marrying her
fiancé? }
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Mary Ann replied:
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Hi Anonymous,
You talk about everyone else, but not yourself. If you think it is a bad union for
your sister-in-law, you may certainly say so, and you may certainly not stand up
in the bridal party. Prepare to have the relationship sour if you do.
What strikes
me is the age difference. If they were dating when she was a minor, the difference
of years would have resulted in a psychologically unbalanced relationship and if
they engaged in sexual activity when she was a minor, it qualified as statutory rape.
Personally, with this much smoke, I would hire someone to do a background check on
the guy.
When the Church posts banns or asks people whether or not they object, we all have
an obligation to tell anything that may impact the validity of the marriage and
we all have a moral obligation to come to the defense of those under assault or about
to be victims of some evil.
Hope this helps,
Mary Ann
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Fr. Nick replied:
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Dear Mike:
This type of situation is not uncommon and it presents many problems for loving
family and friends.
The best thing this young lady's family and friends can do is let her know very
clearly and plainly that they have reservations and worries about her fiancé. They
should clearly present them to her.
After that, they need to let her know that they are doing this because they love
her and care for her, and that they will assist and support her in whatever decision
she makes.
This woman, unless she has some emotional impediment, is old enough to make the decision
to marry, even if it is a mistake in everyone's else's eyes.
As you describe this situation, this young woman is going to need the support of
everyone afterwards, but God always guides people in their lives, and sometimes they
need to make wrong decisions to move ahead.
They need to:
- participate in the wedding
- support her as best they can, and
- be there
for her afterwards.
Fr. Nick
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