Hi William,

I don't know that there are any canonical restrictions (and if so, what they are) that prevent you from marrying this girl. I'll let others address that point but there are other points to consider:

First:

• Where is this girl in her faith journey?

The Bible tells us that we should not be unequally yoked. In the strictest sense, this verse is talking about believers being yoked to unbelievers, however, it may apply in your case as well.
If this girl does not share the same faith and commitment to God, as you seem to demonstrate, then it [her tubal ligation] could lead to other problems down the road.

For instance, if this girl will not realize or won't admit that her tubal ligation was a sin, then what other Church Teaching will she challenge in the future?

Mind you, the Church does not require those that repent of tubal ligation or vasectomies to have them reversed but the Church does require that sin be confessed. In addition, she might have not known it was sin, especially if she's not Catholic.

Second:

• Do you want to have children in the future?

Once you marry this girl, she will be your wife forever. You already know she's had her tubes tied. Therefore, you will not be able to use that matter, tubal ligation, as grounds for an annulment, so if you decide to marry her, then you must be ready to accept the fact you can't have children unless you adopt.

Third:

• If this girl is not Catholic, or at least a devout Christian, will she honor a sacramental marriage?

It's not simply a contract she can walk away from. If someday, should things get rough and she walks away, you will still be bound by the sacrament. You won't be able to remarry.

Fourth:

I'm sure you have genuine feelings for this girl, but you can't just base this decision on feelings. We choose a mate for life by looking at many factors, not the least of which must be spiritual compatibility.

All that said, if this girl can come to understand that she has sinned, and then repents, then
I believe any canonical impediments (if any) can probably be overcome. It is possible for you
to both live out a wonderful Christian marriage.

That said, your question should not just be whether or not you can marry in the Church. [I assume you're a Catholic, hence a non-sacramental marriage should be a non-starter.] The deeper question is whether or not you can live out a sacramental marriage which, as St. Paul tells us, should mirror the relationship between Christ and His Church.

John DiMascio

Mike:

You will want to check with a canonist, but I don't think her having her tubes tied makes a difference. The marriage can still be consummated, as I understand it.

Ted

Edward J. Furton, M.A., Ph.D.
Ethicist and Director of Publications
The National Catholic Bioethics Center
https://www.ncbcenter.org

Hi William,

The marriage is not invalid, as long as both parties do not intend the childlessness resulting from the contraception. The woman should repent of the act (and of the attitude) before undertaking a Catholic marriage, but permanent sterility can be accepted to the extent that it is a permanent reality.

There are many doctors who do tubal ligation reversals which are often successful so it might be wise for you to propose that to her and see if she:

• is open to life at all, or
• is still glad she had her tubes tied.

If she is still glad of it, she may have other beliefs, conditions, or practices that you would need to find out about before marrying in the Church. One question is this:

Why would a girl, presumably young, have her tubes tied at all?

Mary Ann

Dear William,

I concur with Ted, that a canon lawyer or a parish priest familiar with the nuances of the canons of marriage should be consulted.

You really need to have much more information about the background of this young woman and whether her tubes were tied for some medical reason as opposed to reasons based simply on contraception.

Fr. Nick

Hi William,

In addition to his comments above, I would increase the personal prayer life I hope you have and let Our Lord mold your heart and mind appropriately, like at a nearby Adoration Chapel.

I dated my ex-girl friend for about two years before we had a friendly breakup so I understand the emotional and physical issues involved, at least in dating.

I hope we have been helpful.

Mike

Hi, William —

You said:
Thanks for the replies.

Well, she is 34 and she doesn't want to have more children. I was hoping I could change her mind on the issue with a little bit of time and love. The problem is I don't want to be living in sin either so that's why I needed to know if it was her intention, and not mine, not to have children.

• Would the marriage be valid?

Yes, the marriage would be valid, because you know this going into the marriage and she is not hiding it.

Hope this helps,

Fr. Jonathan