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Alicia,
Thanks for your question.
First, it's wonderful that you are becoming a Catholic. Regardless of
what happens with your boyfriend, I encourage you to continue your journey
into the fullness of the Christian faith found in the Catholic Church.
From a doctrinal and canonical point of view, there is a question that
must be answered.
You mentioned that your boyfriend got a divorce. The
question then becomes:
If so, than there is no
impediment to your marriage from either a doctrinal or canonical perspective.
Now let's deal with the pastoral issue. Your boyfriend really needs to
talk with a good priest and seek some spiritual direction. From the sounds
of things, he was not the offender in the relationship. If he sinned in
some respects, even by some sort of neglect, that will come out in
the
counseling. If he can identify a sin, then the solution is simple: he
asks for forgiveness and receives absolution by going to Confession, but he has to believe
he has been forgiven.
He can't continue to bash himself. As a Baptist you
must be familiar with 1 John 1:1-9.
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us
our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
1 John 1:1-9
When we repent, God cleanses us and He takes our sins and throws them
into the sea as it says elsewhere in the Old Testament. Your boyfriend
needs to accept this in order to move on with his life. Of course, if he
receives absolution (assuming he's sinned), he will be forgiven. The feelings
of guilt will continue to plague him if he doesn't walk in forgiveness.
This will present problems in all his future relationships including the
relationships with his children, let alone another wife.
So for his sake, it's important that he finds a good priest who can council
him and, if need be, absolve him of any sin he may have committed.
Another possibility is that your boyfriend still loves his ex-wife. These
feelings are now manifesting themselves as guilt for not doing enough.
It's not unlike surviving spouses who blame themselves when their mate
dies. They look for things they might have done to keep the person healthy.
This could be part of a grieving process. If that's the case, you need
to protect yourself. For your boyfriend to enter into a sacramentally valid
marriage with you, he needs to be in the right state of mind. I'm not questioning
the authenticity of his feelings for you, but the decision to marry
is not made base on emotions alone. It requires rational judgment.
So my advice to you is to proceed with caution. I'm not at all discouraging
this marriage.
I'm certainly not in any position without knowing the facts,
nor am I a professional councilor. However, during my years in ministry,
I've seen similar situations. Your boyfriend has to be whole before he
can give his whole self to you. That is exactly what marriage entails.
May God richly bless you.
John DiMascio
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