Hi, Frank —

Thanks for the question.

None of us are counselors or experts on relationships. We are apologists. That means we answer questions about Church Teaching so any advice we may give you is subjective and based on our personal life experience.

That said, I'd say you have two issues. If you are a faithful Catholic, then marrying a non-believer is problematic. It will present problems further down the line when it comes to any number of decisions you will make, as you live your lives together; so this is already a huge consideration.

If this girl is a former prostitute, she's probably having a hard time forgiving herself, so it makes sense that she would try and hide this from you because she figures you can't forgive her. She may need some counseling to get over this.  Moreover she needs to understand and accept God's love and mercy.

Her being a former prostitute isn't so much the problem, it's the after effect. She probably has a bunch of emotional scars that need to heal. She probably hates herself which makes it difficult to love anyone else.

Again, I'm only speaking from my life experiences; I'm not a psychologist. I can't tell you what to do; I can only tell you what I would do.

I would be more than willing to forgive her past. That's not the issue. The issue is she needs to forgive herself and be honest about it. As for me, I wouldn't consider a relationship with a non-Catholic, let alone a non-believer, but that's me. There are a lot of people who have great marriages with people of different faiths, but it gets really difficult, especially if the non-Catholic is also a non-Christian. In your case, she's a non-believer. If it were me, I would try to get over my feelings and move on, just on that basis alone, unless, of course, there was any reasonable hope she could come to faith in very near future.

Hope it all works out for you.

God Bless,

John

Hi, Frank —

I'll like to add something from another angle, echoing John's words that what I offer is not Church teaching.

Forgiveness and healing do not necessarily translate into wanting to marry someone. You can be attracted to someone, love them, forgive them for what they've done from the bottom of your heart, and still not want to marry them because of their past experience. Although some might say this means not truly forgiving, I would disagree.

Although people can be healed of past pain, past experience is not erased. When a woman becomes one flesh in sexual union with a man, whether it be in prostitution (1 Corinthians 6:16) or with simple fornication or premarital sex (Deuteronomy 22:28-29), a union on the level of nature — that is meant to be experienced uniquely and exclusively between spouses — has occurred.

There is much to discern about this mystery and the meaning of marriage when deciding upon a spouse.

Peace,

Paul