|
|
 |
Pro Life Phillip
wrote:
|
|
Greetings.
I have a situation that I hope you can help
with. A year after my first born came into
this world my wife and I desired to add to
our family and try for another baby. Since
then, we have been suffering through one miscarriage
and it has been about two years that we have
been trying to have another child with no
results. While I have kept my sanity through
the Church's teachings of Faith
and Reason, sadly my wife's faith
is not as strong and not seeing that second
blue line appear on a monthly basis has taken
a greater toll on her.
So far I have been able to keep her thoughts
and discussions about IVF (In Vitro Fertilization)
at bay with help of articles from pro-life
organizations. We are both deeply pro-life
and have committed our lives to following
Christ and his True Church. With the continuous
news of other family members getting pregnant, not to mention the constant barrage of gossip
news of celebrities having children out of
wedlock, my wife's feelings of hope
is slowly being replaced with resentment and
anger; not only towards others who have been
blessed with a pregnancy but towards God.
I tried to explain to my wife that it's not
God's fault that we are
not able to conceive and that there are physical
limitations that need to be considered, but
in her mind she cannot comprehend the idea
that a loving God, who provides the soul
of a created human being, can deny a person (who
tries hard to follow God's laws and
teachings) the ability to conceive. Every
now and then she questions if being a good
Catholic is even worth the trouble.
This may be the frustration she has inside,
but I can't help but wonder if her feelings
stem from pride.
Thankfully after much talk and persuasion
she has agreed to follow through with seeking
help at a fertility clinic specializing in NaProtechnology.
Hopefully they can pin point the problem.
- In the mean time, how can I help her understand
that having feelings of resentment and
anger are not the appropriate reactions
to situations where prayers go unanswered?
— Phillip
|
| {
While
having difficulties conceiving with my wife,
how can explain that anger is inappropriate? }
|
|
Mary
Ann replied:
|
Phillip —
I am so glad that you are checking
into NaProtechnology.
It is much cheaper and much, much
more effective than IVF or similar
sorts of methods — and of course,
it does not treat the child as a
product, and does not result in killing
more children than it brings to birth,
so congratulations on that! Your
Creighton Fertility Care Practitioner
will be able to help her (and you)
have a good understanding and attitude
about procreation.
As for your wife's current attitude,
you might try this approach:
It is unfair to any child, that God
might create that child within a
family environment, to be considered
something that
one has a right to have.
Procreation is not about us, it is
about the child.
To think that fertility problems
or having (or not having) a child,
are about the parents is to think
of the child as an adjunct to or
reflection of the parents. Your wife
might want to read together the stories
of Hannah and of Elizabeth, in the
Old Testament and New Testament.
God has a plan.
Trust Him.
Mary Ann
|
Paul
replied:
|
Dear Phillip,
You said:
Every now and
then she questions if being a good
Catholic is even worth the
trouble.
This line of yours above seems to
sum up the problem you speak of regarding
your wife's attitude. Being a good
Catholic should not be primarily
motivated by what we get out of it,
but rather by love of God and desire
to do His Will.
If that is the
motive, it will inevitably result
in continuous heartbreak, frustration,
and cynicism.
A good look at the book of Job might
put things in perspective for her.
None of us have a right to anything,
beginning with our very existence.
So although, in our imperfection,
we tend to complain or whine to God
about what we don't have or cannot
do, there is no reasonable justification
for this.
All of creation, including
us, is God's and not ours. He may
permit whatever He wills for whatever
reasons. It is up to us to hold in
faith that in the big picture it
is (or will be) all for the good,
a big picture that we can't see but
know God does.
Paul
|
|
|
|
