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Joseph
Selorio
wrote:
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Hi, guys —
Greetings!
I'm a 44-year-old husband who lives in a third
world country.
I just want to ask what can
I do if, after having two kids, my wife does
not want to get pregnant again and only wishes
to have sex with me if I use a condom. We only
see each other during weekends (two to three
times a month) because of our work is the reality
of life here. She volunteered to have tubal
ligation but I prevented her. I do:
- norms of piety
- receive Communion frequently, daily if
possible
- pray the Rosary, and
- do mental prayer and spiritual readings.
- Have I been wasting my time
and effort doing all this but actually
living a disgraceful life because the Church
has condemned me as an immoral sinner worthy
of eternal damnation?
I wish I could say my wife is a good Catholic
but cannot.
- Is this grounds for an annulment because
I'm sacrificing my eternal life?
A confessor told me it's not a mortal sin and
God will understand my situation.
- I wish the Catholic Church could be more
understanding, like this priest, or has
he also been condemned by the Church?
Thank you for your kind consideration in answering
my questions.
God bless,
Joseph
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{
What
can I do if my wife doesn't want to get pregnant and only wishes to have sex with a condom? }
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John
replied:
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Hi, Joseph —
Thanks for your question.
Before we address it, we need to
address some really badly distorted
theology you picked up some where
along the line.
The Church is not in the business
of condemning people as mortal sinners.
Only God can condemn those who refuse
to accept His Grace and Mercy. You
may be guilty of mortal sin, and
you need to consider another course
of action with respect to your marital
life [with your wife]. Nevertheless,
Christ and His Church are always
inviting you to accept His Mercy
and, by His Grace, amend your life.
The Church however, cannot change
the truth. The fact remains and shall
always remain, that the use of artificial
contraception remains grave matter.
The degree to which you are culpable
is between you and God. Your confessor
was wrong. The use of artificial
contraception remains a mortal sin.
God may understand your situation
and is always ready to forgive you,
but you have to intend to do something
about this situation.
Clearly, you love the Lord and want
to please Him. I suggest you continue
to pray and ask God to change your
wife's heart. There are natural methods
of regulating and spacing children,
which are not sinful but even those
must be used without a contraceptive
mentality. You are not expected to
keep on trying to have children but
you are expected to be open to them.
It sounds like you are and your wife
is not. What seems like an impossible
situation to you, is not to God. I recommend you start by praying
for guidance. We know what God's
will is. He wants your marriage to
succeed and be happy; and He wants
the both of you to have a healthy
and wonderful love life which is
open to life. Start praying that
God's will be done in this matter.
Ask Him for the wisdom to know how
to speak to your wife. Pray for your
wife, pray for your children, and never
ever abandon hope.
Above all, don't walk away from God's
Grace and Mercy.
God Bless,
John
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Joseph
replied:
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Dear John,
Thank you for your clarifications.
I have been living this kind of life
for eight years since the birth of
our last child. I assure you that
I have been praying for my wife daily
so she may respond to God's grace.
Unfortunately, the situation remains
the same. I am sure you can understand
that abstinence is out of the question
and because we are together only
on the weekends, a natural method
is quite unnatural.
- Should I just let her have a
tubal ligation since it is her
decision rather than me being
tempted into committing a mortal sin?
- Since I attend daily Mass, is
it better for me not to attend
anymore rather than attend but
not receive Communion?
What about joining another non-Catholic
Christian faith since the Church welcomes others to its fold and has even
said that salvation is not exclusive
to their Church. Some of them permit
artificial contraception.
- Would it be better for me to
be a non-Catholic Christian rather
than a condemned Catholic Christian?
I also want to assure you that my
only hope is God's Mercy so never
will I walk away from God's Grace
and Mercy.
Thank you once again.
God bless your apostolate!
Joseph
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John
replied:
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Joseph,
You must continue to pray but to
be honest, no I don't understand
that abstinence is out of the question.
Perhaps your wife needs to understand
you are serious enough about your
faith that you won't continue to
commit this sin . . . even if it means
you go without. Moreover, maybe you
need to show the Lord before He answers
your prayers.
You should not stop going to daily
Mass. That's just moving in the wrong
direction. You should continue with
frequent Confession and find yourself
a good orthodox Catholic spiritual
director who can help you through
this.
We are apologists; we answer theological
questions. We are not councilors,
priests, or spiritual directors.
God Bless,
John
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Joseph
replied:
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John,
Thank you for your advice. I
guess I have to pray some more and
embrace my cross.
Now for a theological question. There
is no doubt in my mind about the importance
of our Lady in my life as a Catholic.
I just cannot understand the wording
in the Bible regarding events where
Our Lord talks to our Lady. It makes
me feel sad. I can also understand
why some of our Christian brothers
do not understand Mary and her (role|position) within the Church. My question is this:
- Is this how the Jews address
their mother, by calling them woman?
I know it means a lot to know the
circumstances and the culture surrounding
biblical events but in our country
it just sounds and feels like Jesus
did not acknowledge his earthly mother.
- Is the Hebrew equivalent of woman and mother the same?
- Don't you think it would have
made things a lot clearer for
everyone if Jesus acknowledged
Mary in the Bible, even once,
as her mother?
God bless,
Joseph
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John
replied:
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Hi, Joseph —
Jesus identifies Mary as the Woman in Genesis 3:15 which is why He calls
her woman.
This previous posting of ours should
help explain the issue:
Hope this helps,
John
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