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Financially-concerned Faye
wrote:
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Hi, guys —
I apologize in advance for the seeming duplication
of my question; however, I've searched your database, and searched other web
sites as well, and I can't find an answer
that seems to fit my specific situation.
People
tend to ask if its morally okay for them to
delay having children. I'm asking almost the opposite.
I am a 23 year old female from Indiana who
has been with my fiancé for
a little over two and
a half years. My fiancé and I are marrying
in May and we feel called to have a large
family.
Upon entering college, I felt called to serve
the public as a health care professional,
but now as
I prepare for my marriage I feel a much stronger
calling to raise a family in the Catholic
faith.
My fiancé has a decent paying job,
but I have twice the initial earning potential
that he does.
(I am in my fifth year of a six-year pharmacy
program). Also, I am bringing into the marriage
$100,000. + in school loans. We both feel called
to start our family early into our marriage.
We do not want to base our decisions regarding
faith and family largely on economic wealth
and material comfort, but at the same time,
we do not want to hurt our family by being
financially irresponsible. We understand that
the option exists for my fiancé to
be a stay at home husband, but
we both feel that, if possible, this role
is much better filled by the mother.
I am
also a fairly gifted student, I have a 3.95
(GPA) Grade Point Average, and people have
accused me of wanting to waste my talents,
not to mention all the time and money I put
into school, that could be otherwise used
to benefit society. Ideally, I would like
to be a mother and work part-time as a pharmacist,
but if I can't find this sort of job, I believe
my family deserves first priority.
Finding a job is further complicated by the
fact that I do not wish to dispense oral contraceptives,
as I believe they can cause abortion — accordingly,
my career options are extremely limited.
I discovered this conflict of morals much
too late into my pharmacy curriculum to change
majors.
Basically, my questions are:
- Is it irresponsible for us to want to
start a family when I am bringing so much
debt to the table?
- Is it wrong for me to want to waste my
education — as so many people have
so delicately put it?
- Also, if we do start a family, how do
we not get swallowed by the heaping mound
of debt
I currently carry?
We are both frugal and my fiancé is
very concerned about the finances, but I believe
that God would not put this calling so strongly
in our hearts if he did not want us to follow
it.
- Can we just trust that God will provide
or is that naive and lazy on my part for
not wanting to work for more?
I'm having trouble untangling my calling in
life from the web that society has spun around
it.
Thank you so much for your time.
God Bless.
Faye
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{
Is it irresponsible for us to start a family when I bring so much debt due to my pharmacy degree? }
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John
replied:
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Dear Faye —
Thanks for your question.
The people who are telling you that
you're wasting your education by
staying at home and starting a family,
to be quite frank, are idiots that
have bought into the culture of death
and consumerism.
It's wonderful that you have an education
and some day, God may ask you to
use it but if
He's calling you to start a family
as soon as possible, then do so. It's never wrong to obey God. Moreover,
the Church's teaching on artificial
contraception is clear. It's always
a sin so just leave it in God's
hands, He'll take care of the rest.
If He wants you to have a big family
and start soon after marriage, just
hold up your end of the bargain like
good, healthy newlyweds. You have
no reason to feel guilty.
Now you do have financial considerations.
- That may mean making other sacrifices
but where is it written that we need
to have all the things we have in
today's culture?
Half the things
I own today — and I'm by no
means affluent — quite
the contrary, weren't invented when
I was growing up as kid yet for some
reason they are considered must-have necessities today. Last year, when
I had life-threatening surgery and
spent several months in a rehabilitation
center, I realized that the only
thing that mattered was my faith
in God, my family and friends. I
managed to do just fine without a
whole lot of stuff.
So this is something you and fiancé will
need to talk about. If you want a
family right away and you want a
big one, you will have financial
struggles, but if you love one another,
you will probably be one of the happiest
families on the planet and your
kids will be some the happiest and
healthiest, because they were born
out of love and faith.
John
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Eric
replied:
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Wow; I admire your commitment to
the faith and your careful examination
of the question.
This is not a common question so
it is fine for you to submit it in
that regard. However, with all the
effort you put into articulating
it, I hate to say it's somewhat far
afield of our mission.
We tend to focus on hard facts about
what the faith teaches; yours is
more of a pastoral question.
- Have you consulted a priest
on this?
- Have you considered getting a
spiritual director?
I can certainly encourage you to
trust in God, for finances and everything
and I agree — and so would
the Church
— that your family is your
first priority. You have already
realized what
I intended to point out, viz., that
it may be difficult for you to find
a job you can morally accept. The
Church has never ruled on whether
it is legitimate to waste your
talents in this fashion, but She
esteems motherhood, and who is to
say you can't eventually find a way
to fulfill them in motherhood. This
is a decision between you and God.
To the best of
your knowledge, do what you think is right, and don't
worry about it.
As St. Pio said:
Pray, hope, and don't worry.
. . . but definitely look for a spiritual
director or at least a priest-friend.
In short, I trust your judgment and
I think you are on the right track.
Whatever decision you make will be
sound.
Eric
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Mary
Ann replied:
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Dear Faye —
You do have a moral obligation to
be prudent in preparing for marriage.
One traditional way to exercise prudence
is to come to marriage with the ability
to support a family. It is not wrong
for you to go from school to marriage,
but it is imprudent to have a debt
burden that is unbalanced to your
income and likely to become a source
of marital discord or problem.
There is one option you have not
mentioned, and that is to delay marriage
for two years and work full time
during that time, living very frugally,
perhaps with your parents, and to
devote your salary to paying down
your debt.
Alternatively, you could
marry in May and exercise marital
chastity and (NFP) Natural Family
Planning and delay childbearing for
a year or two, devoting all your
salary to your debt so that it is
not an impossible burden. This latter
option has the advantage of saving
money by having only one home.
Do not worry about wasting your education.
There are many part-time options
for pharmacists, and soon enough,
your children will be in school and
then grown; you will be forty-five
with twenty-five years
of career ahead of you. If children
come right away, in any case, you
can always apply for an income-based
loan repayment program. Do not underestimate
the importance for a man of being
able to be the major breadwinner.
Mary Ann
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Faye
replied:
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Thank you all for your extremely
quick responses.
I appreciate all your responses,
even though my question was more
opinion than Church doctrine based.
Your various responses mirror those
I've received from others. I have
not yet spoken with a priest. Our
current pastor tends to sit on the
fence, which is very frustrating
when looking for answers. I do understand,
however, that I should seek advice
from someone more qualified to
provide spiritual counsel.
In response to your thoughts, Mary
Ann, I'd like to clarify my intentions.
I do plan on initially working for
an undetermined period of time to
pay down my debts.
Unfortunately,
a problem does arise in finding a
job (something everyone is struggling
with right now), especially one in
relative proximity to where my fiancé
works. I'm sure you're all aware
there is a pharmacist shortage.
Currently though, this is only seen
in:
- rural and inner city hospitals
- specific retail locations, and
- at
positions that require residencies
or years of experience.
Most pharmacists are employed in
the retail sector (Walgreens, CVS,
etc.). If I choose not to dispense
birth control, a stance which
is only taken by very few conservative
Catholic pharmacist, a retail
job is out of the question. Many
hospitals, because of the downturn
in the economy, have had an increase
in:
- nonpaying patients, and
- Medicaid
and Medicare reimburse at below
the cost to treat.
Because of this, they're
only in need of clinical specialty
pharmacists
—
a title which requires a two year
residency. I pray that I will be
able to find a job that aligns with
my conscience. If I cannot though,
I am forced to choose between dispensing
oral contraceptives and doing what
I feel is right.
I have spoken to
several priests and each has a different
stance on this issue.
Some say its up to me. More conservative
priests say it should not be done
or should only be done if absolutely
necessary to support a family etc.
I have thought all of these things
through and I am not just an irresponsible
young person rushing to get married.
As you can probably tell, I tend
to think things through much too
thoroughly much too far in advance.
At this point, I've probably done
enough preparation, and I should
just trust in the Lord and make the
tough decisions as they come.
I strayed a bit there, but my point
in providing you with this long response,
is that I would like those considering
health professions to be informed.
I encourage you to speak with any
young persons you know who are considering
health careers, especially those
in pharmacy. Please tell them to
really think and pray about these
decisions.
The government continues
to strip health care professionals
of their rights and continues to
mandate we do things we have moral
objections too. These things can
be avoided, but as our secular government
gains more control, this avoidance
becomes more challenging. I'm not
asking you to talk them out of pursuing
these careers; I believe we need
more strong Catholics in these roles.
I wish however, that they understand
the struggles they will be up against
in the future.
The government, their
professors, and sometimes even their
families will most likely not support
them in matters of faith that overlap
with science.
Thank you for taking the time to
help me.
Faye
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Mary
Ann replied:
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Well,
Do good, avoid evil, and trust
God. or, as Padre Pio says,
Pray, hope, and don't worry.
Maybe you could also work in research,
or start a compounding pharmacy!
You may also want to check out:
Pharmacists
for Life International
Mary Ann
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