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Dear J.G.,
You wrote:
I was born and raised Catholic. I went into
the Navy just prior to being drafted during the
Vietnam War only ten days out of high school.
I was briefly married to an 18-year-old, but
my time away on deployment caused us to split. We married in the Catholic Church out of tradition
but neither of us had practiced the faith.
We
were culturally Catholic but both of us came
from broken homes.
As I matured, I stayed with my Navy career and
remarried at age 30. We celebrate our 25th wedding
anniversary this year. We have three daughters,
one is a Nuclear Technician in the Navy, and
the two others are attending university in Newport
News, Virginia. We raised them Episcopalians.
Two of my daughters are interested in becoming
Catholic. I have long taught them about the true
faith.
My reconciliation with the Church is progressing,
but has been very, very painful. While my children
like me to take them to Mass and Adoration, they
don't understand why I'm not receiving Communion.
Episcopalians are eager to give communion to
fellow Christians. I don't let them receive Catholic
Communion either because they need to go through RCIA first.
They need to understand the Real Presence, among
other things. Nonetheless, they are interested.
One thing they can't really understand is why
Dad cries throughout the Mass. This should be
a time of joy and praise. Unfortunately, I'm
so burdened with the fact that I have been told
that I am excluded from the Sacraments, all I
can do is long for the Eucharist and . . . well
cry. This is not a good example for a grown man
to demonstrate.
Wow, what a heart-rending story. How painful it must be! But let me
commend you for doing what is right, and not admitting yourself or your
daughters to Holy Communion. That is important, and God will honor that, I am
sure.
You wrote:
I gave my daughters information about RCIA at
their university. I can only hope that they will
follow up. I have applied for an uncontested
nullity. My ex-wife is supportive. Our wait has
now been well over a year. Everything about my
trying to reconcile with God has had barrier
after barrier thrown up at me.
Perhaps it is a trial to test your faith, to see if you'll persevere.
Perhaps it's of diabolical origin. Don't give up; it's worth it.
You wrote:
I can't confess, I can't receive Communion, I can't
get my marriage blessed for our 25th anniversary.
Ouch.
You said:
The only cans I have been able to
do, come at a great cost to my physical and psychological
health.
- I can visit the Most Blessed Host.
- I
can go to Mass when I can get my courage up and
watch others partake of the feast while I get looks of wonder what the problem is with
him.
Not going to Communion is very difficult. May God have mercy on the souls
of those who judge you.
You said:
- I did take an ash cross on my forehead
during an Ash Wednesday Mass, but when offered
Communion I had to cross my arms in shame.
I
don't know why I say Rosaries and put up with
the pain, but I suppose the Spirit is moving
in me, if that can be possible, considering the
anathema I'm under.
Please don't see me as a wicked person, because
I'm not.
No, you are not fundamentally a wicked person, but one in a difficult
situation.
You said:
Yes, I'm a sore sinner like most others.
it's just that I do not have a spiritual home.
The Episcopalians are on a strange journey right
now and I don't feel part of them any longer.
I figure I'm destined for the outer darkness
at best.
Set your sights on Heaven and you can make it.
You said:
Maybe if you could answer a few questions
I can bear the pain for a couple more years while
the Church decides whether I can be readmitted
to Communion.
- Is it true that Jesus associated with sinners
and forgave them their sins?
- Did some of them have unusual marital situations
like the Samaritan woman at Jacob's well?
Jesus was well known for associating with sinners, and was rebuked for
it; see Matthew 9:10-13, Mark 2:15-17, Luke 5:30-32, Luke 7:34, Luke 15:2. In fact Jesus said:
"I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." Luke 5:32
As for whether they had unusual marital situations, we
don't have it recorded in Scripture, but surely they did.
You said:
- Did Jesus more or less send her on her way
to evangelize to her own people about the good
news despite her multiple marriages and shack-up?
I think so.
You said:
- Did Jesus expressly forbid the spiritually
downtrodden to partake of the feast?
Jesus tells a parable of the wedding feast (symbolic, in part, of the
Eucharist), and the man who was not properly dressed, and was cast out
into [what symbolizes] Hell (Matthew 22:1-14).
Clothes represent righteousness.
Thus someone in a state of mortal sin, who is deprived of righteousness
(or may be deprived of righteousness), should not approach Communion.
You said:
- Is divorce and remarriage the unpardonable
sin mentioned in the Gospel?
No. Generally this is interpreted to be final impenitence, that is, a
final (before death) refusal to repent of your sins.
You said:
- Does Jesus want me healed and does he want
me to bring an entire family with me?
Well, He wants you to be united with Him now and in the life to come.
Psychological healing may or may not be a part of that in this life. He
loves you dearly, but sometimes it is spiritually more advantageous to
be broken than to be healed. Ancient shepherds used to break the legs of
errant sheep to keep them from straying again. It was a painful necessity
to achieve a higher purpose. Also, remember that suffering is redemptive;
the suffering you are going through can be united with the suffering of
Christ and used for the spiritual benefit of you or others. Spiritual healing
(see below) is yours for the asking.
You said:
- Do you think it is an act of well-deserved
tough love to withhold the Sacraments from
someone who made a mistake 30 years ago?
- Why does it seem that my case is worse than
murder? <Unforgivable.>
Well here I must be a bit sterner. You have already heard the right solution
and rejected it: Marital continence.
You see, objectively speaking, you are committing adultery right now when
you have relations with your wife. You are already in a presumed valid
marriage with your first wife, therefore you must, until the annulment is
completed, remain faithful to her. If you intend to continue having relations,
you are not repentant, and so cannot go to Confession and receive Holy Communion. The price is just too high for you.
The mistake, from a point of view of Communion, is today, not 30 years
ago, and it is within your power to resolve it. I feel for your situation
— you were young, impetuous perhaps, paid little attention to the true
meaning of marriage, and married the wrong person. Perhaps
the marriage was invalid. If not, well, Jesus is the one who says that
divorce and remarriage is not an option (Matthew 19:3-11); it's not an invention of the Church.
Take it up with Him.
You said:
- Does Jesus say that His burden is light
only for well people in a state of grace to receive the healing power of the Eucharist?
My impression from the Gospels is that He
clearly intended for the downtrodden and those
mired in sin to be those in special need of His Word, healing,
and spiritual medicine.
- Am I wrong to think
this?
No, but he told the woman caught in adultery,
"Go, and sin no more." (John 8:10-11)
That
is what he tells you as well. You have to want to be pulled out of the
mire.
You said:
Previous Popes have said that other religions
have paths to salvation.
Not exactly. Previous popes have said that it is possible for individuals
in other religions to be saved, and that is with difficulty. Other religions,
in and of themselves, are not paths to salvation, though there may be elements
of sanctification in them.
You said:
- Should I be seeking
another religious tradition in order to be
healed?
- Is Roman Catholicism really that much of
a closed shop?
No, you should not; that will only make things worse. Those who leave
the Catholic Church knowing that it was founded by God through Christ as
necessary for salvation cannot be saved. This is where the graces are;
this is the fast path to salvation.
You said:
I apologize for venting but I am worried that
my days may be short (uncontrolled diabetes and
complications). So far no one has told me whether
I can receive Last Rites.
If you repent of having relations with your present wife, you may. If
you are dying it may make no practical difference on your married life.
You said:
If not, I'm doomed.
- What
do doomed people do to prepare for Hell?
- Live
it up maybe?
I'm avoiding the temptation and
trying to just suffer in silence, but as this
e-mail clearly demonstrates, I just lapsed from
that noble endeavor.
I wanted to visit Lourdes with my wife for our
25th anniversary, but if I hear nothing from
the Church about my nullity, there's no sense
in going. I can't meet the requirements for any
indulgences because I am forbidden from going to Confession and receiving Holy Communion.
You can still gain a partial indulgence. There is more to the trip than
an indulgence, anyway. There are other graces; they just aren't guaranteed by the
Church.
You said:
You may wonder
why I persist in trying to become a good Catholic.
Basically, it is because after years of study
and reflection I have come to the conclusion
that it is the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic
Church. I confess Jesus as Lord and I believe,
with absolute faith, every word of the ancient
creeds. I am simply in a state of perpetual anxiety
over my eternal situation.
That's easily rectified.
You said:
One kind-hearted person suggested that I cease
conjugal relations with my Episcopalian wife.
- Why destroy another marriage and family?
I'd
rather suffer the penalty due me than cause such
a horrible disruption of our very close family.
- So you'd rather go to Hell than stop having relations with your wife?
- Is it worth it?
- Do you know what an eternity of suffering is going to be
like?
Think about what you're saying. Be sensible my friend!
If your wife really loves you she'll understand and support you.
- If your
conscience tells you, you have to do it, how can anyone who loves you prevent
you?
- Have you even brought it up to her to see what she thinks?
You said:
Again, however, they can see the agony I'm going
through. Frankly, they're getting a little upset
that Dad is just not himself anymore.
Any suggestions
and answers to my questions would be appreciated.
You do have a tremendously difficult situation and I will pray for you,
J.G. I know what anguish you must feel and your choices are not happy ones.
I can only encourage you to make the right choices and not gamble with
eternity. Think how good it will be to be reconciled with the Church and
to have a clear conscience. You know that's what you want.
Yours in Christ,
Eric
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