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I am searching the Internet for guidance on the matter of penance, i.e.,
mortification of the flesh.
I do feel the need for this to be done to me. In this respect, I have found a good
Christian lady who is prepared to soundly cane me, {hit or beat me with a rod},
at regular intervals of about six weeks. I feel simply wonderful after my canings. My depressions lift and I feel so full of life and joy.
I am seeking guidance to know if these acts are sinful. Caning is, of course, extremely painful, as well as humiliating, as I must present
myself to my lady for punishment. There is no serious damage done to my body. The marks last for only a few days and the effect on my mind is beneficial beyond
anything I can describe.
Please guide me on this matter.
I have never discussed the process with anyone except my lady friend.
Anonymous
{ Is being beaten with a rod by someone else sinful even though I feel wonderful after my canings? }
Our A-Team gave the following team reply:
Dear Anonymous,
Thanks for the question. On pastoral questions like these, I consult my Catholic friends
and special priest-friends who assist us in these areas. Please take our advice with
the good, holy intent in which it is meant to be given.
We recommend you seek out a solid Catholic priest, who is loyal to the Holy Father
and the Church's Magisterium, who can:
arrange for an initial sacramental Confession with
you, and
who can then assist you in seeking appropriate counseling.
As Christians, we believe that our body is a temple of God; something that should
be respected and taken care of at all times.
We believe this type of attitude and behavior is extremely abnormal,
not only for you, but for your Christian lady friend as well. We recommend counseling
for her as well. Nevertheless, it can be dealt with correctly, through appropriate action and a daily prayer life.
We at CPATS.ORG, like the Church, have a high opinion of praying the Holy Rosary.
If you need one, I can send you one or there are many free on-line sources where you can get one.
Keep smiling and know that:
God loves you very much, and,
With God, everything is possible.
If you have any follow-up comments or questions, don't hesitate to reply.
Mike
Anonymous replied:
Dear Mike,
Thank you for your reply.
The answer, however, does not really satisfy me as it raises another question.
How
is it that the performing of a penance is any different to having myself caned?
It is really wrong to have myself caned or whipped and to submit to another,
so I can realize that humility is a very good attribute to have in one's nature. My
lady and I embrace after she has punished me, and I am so thankful to her for acting
in this way. It is very, very beneficial mentally to me. I know it is, because
I feel it.
Sorry to be so persistent.
Anonymous
Our A-Team replied:
Hi Anonymous,
You said:
How
is it that the performing of a penance is any different to having myself caned?
The purpose of penance is not relief or feeling better mentally; nor is it mortification.
If a person does penance or mortification for those purposes, then it is not truly
penance or mortification. Also, if a person does these things without the advice
or direction of a Confessor, one is doing something wrong. Mortification and penance
should always be submitted to a Confessor or spiritual director.
The purpose of penance is:
Humility, not humiliation.
Humility, not gratification.
Humility, not achieving some end for oneself.
The whole nature of penance is against willfully satisfying an urge or
desire.
Both of our priest-advisors echoed similar responses to your reply-question. They
thought, as we said in our earlier reply:
You should seek out a solid spiritual director who is loyal
to the Holy Father and the Magisterium
— one that could guide you in a healthy direction and direct you
to the appropriate counseling. We recommend the same for your lady
friend as well.
You mentioned "humility", yet you and your lady friend are the
ones who have set this "thing" up.
Why not "submit" your pride and brokenness to the Church and
a solid priest?
If you want to perform true penance, one that is pleasing
to the Lord, let it be a real one, given by the Church, not a fetish
made up in a hurting psyche.
Due to your need that your punishment be painful, one priest was wondering
what type of sin you were involved in, that makes you feel this is an
appropriate penance?
He felt at some point, this will get out of hand
and cause permanent injury or death.
Although there were a few people on our team that thought your question
and reply were insincere, I've replied because I want people who visit
our site to know that the Catholics at (AskACatholic.com|CPATS.ORG) have
good hearts and are here to help and advise people, even in difficult situations.
When I can't decide if an e-mail question is sincere or insincere, I err
on the side of sincerity.
I want to leave you by restating and redirecting you to my personal advice above.
My brother recommended that you search for a priest who is highly
spiritual and has a major degree in psychology. He would
be able to discern the rough waters you are currently going through and
give you the appropriate advice.
Make this your quest,
Anonymous!
Mike and the A-Team
From the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
In Brief: The Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation.
.
.
1494 The confessor proposes the
performance of certain acts of satisfaction or penance to
be performed by the penitent in
order to repair the harm caused
by sin and to re-establish habits
befitting a disciple of Christ.
1495 Only priests who have received
the faculty of absolving from
the authority of the Church can
forgive sins in the name of Christ.
1496 The spiritual effects of
the sacrament of Penance are:
reconciliation with God by
which the penitent recovers
grace.
reconciliation with the Church.
remission of the eternal
punishment incurred by mortal
sins.
remission, at least in part,
of temporal punishments resulting
from sin.
peace and serenity of conscience,
and spiritual consolation.
an increase of spiritual
strength for the Christian
battle.
Anonymous replied:
Dear
Mike,
I thank you once again for your reply and concern for my situation. I assure you I am not insincere.
In fact, I am quite hurt by the thought you have in this respect; neither am
I involved in any sinful behavior, as least not any more than the next person.
I just love to be punished in a humane, non-injurious
way by a strict lady who loves me.
I will not waste your time anymore. Thank-you for your advice and time in
attending to my question.
Anonymous
Our A-Team replied:
Dear Anonymous,
We did not mean to hurt you by anything we said. We have had other visitors to our website
send us lists of 15-20 questions in one e-mail, with the tone of their e-mail
sometimes being close-minded toward the Church. Because our apostolate is a volunteer effort,
I have to discern sincere e-mailers from insincere ones.
You should not take anything we have said as being anything but helpful. That
said:
You originally asked us: I am seeking guidance to know if these acts are sinful.
You are involved in very sinful acts and habits, and
you should not continue with the process.
No one, no matter what
they call themselves, Christian, Catholic, or whatever, should tell you otherwise.
For any man to say:
"I just love to be punished in a humane, non-injurious way by a
strict lady who loves me."
is abnormal. She does notlove you. She's using you and
needs psychological help.
Of course, she will deny this and encourage you to "stay together",
especially if she is making money off your relationship; but this will
only hurt you — and her — as well as deepen, already ingrained,
immoral, habits in both of you.
You personally have to free yourself from this lady, who is not a
practicing Christian.
(No practicing Christian would do that to a person.)
She is probably rationalizing what she
is doing to you, as her
being Christian, but she isn't.
If lust, feeling good with her, and love are twisted in with
being hurt by her, it would be obvious to me, the lady is using youfor
her own selfish needs and pleasures.
More importantly, she's using your fallen
sexual nature, a fallen nature all men have, for
her own selfish needs and pleasures.
Have the courage to stand up to her and say,
"I want you
to leave permanently so we can stop this relationship."
If you don't,
this immoral behavior will soon turn deadly, if not physically, then spiritually!
Please take my advice:
Tell her to leave permanently and
Find a solid Catholic priest who can give you the appropriate counseling.
Every one, Anonymous, is created by God for a specific purpose in life. This is not the purpose for which God created you.
Build up the courage, tell her to leave permanently, and then find a
solid Catholic priest.
On your personal judgment day, a one-on-one with Our Lord Jesus, you
are going to have to answer for staying in this very immoral situation.
Know you are in our prayers,
Mike and the A-Team.
P.S.
Tell me if you want me to send you a Rosary. I'll need your mailing address.
Richard replied to our team answer:
Well, that's a strange story, but not uncommon.
A lot of people have feelings
like that. The man deserves credit for applying his courage and talking
with someone about it.
The team has it right, though: at some psychological level, he wants to
be punished, or he thinks he's bad and should be punished; and he gets a sense
of relief from his feelings of stress when his lady friend beats him. That's
degrading for her, so he should give that up.
It's a matter of mental health, so he should get some psychological counseling
on how to cope with it and overcome it. A therapist may also be able to
recommend some non-abusive kind of physical activity to help with the stress.
Also, discussing it with a therapist will help him, after a while, to figure
out how he came to have these feelings, and that may help him. It may turn
out that he has some condition that can be treated medically; for example,
depression.
A priest can guide him about the moral aspects of his behavior and probably
help him find a suitable psychologist or psychiatrist.
— RC
Anonymous replied:
Dear Mike,
Thank you all once again for giving me your time and care and your
kind offer to send me a Rosary.
I do have a Rosary which I obtained during a visit to The Shrine of
Our Lady at Walsingham in Norfolk, England, but thank you for your offer.
I went to Walsingham a few years ago, when I had been diagnosed with
cancer and was undergoing chemotherapy.
I found the experience amazing, to say the least. I am now in remission
and have been for a long time, due, I feel, in some way to my visit.
I will bear in mind what you, Richard and the team have said; for you
have shown me great kindness in your concern and I do appreciate it.
I must say that the thought of giving up the process of being caned
fills me with sadness, but if it is good for both me and my lady friend,
then I must try to desist and resist the temptation. This will be a very hard road for me.
I have heard a theory that a painful event releases something called
endorphins, or whatever, into the body, and this gives a feeling of well-being;
perhaps it's this that makes me feel so good following a caning session.
It's all very strange.
Thank you all once again. I will not bother you further, for I can see
you are very busy people and others need your help more than I, but
rest assured I value your advice greatly.
God bless you all.
Anonymous
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