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StrivingForANewBeginning wrote:

Hi, guys —

My wife had an affair a year ago that lasted about 5 months. They had intercourse twice.

The last time she had intercourse with him she had intercourse with me a few days later.
She ended up pregnant but she told me he had used a condom. She is sure the baby is mine.
I'm freaking out right now and wondering if I should get a paternity test done or not. I love my newest daughter and I love my wife very much. We have 2 other girls as well.

I'm trying to forgive her as our Lord has forgiven me so many times. I want to stay with my wife and she wants to stay with me. I believe her when she says that she will never let this happen again. She told me this when I was feeling guilty and had told her how I had kissed and touched another woman in a sexual way.

I can't believe how this has all happened and I don't know how to cope right now. One minute I'm fine, the next I'm angry, and then I get worried about our newest baby. Any advice from someone Catholic who has had a similar thing happen would be great.

I'm trying to look at this like a new beginning on our marriage and our faith.

God Bless,

Striving
  { Can you provide any Catholic advice to a husband whose wife has been unfaithful twice? }

Mike replied:

Dear Striving,

We are not priests and what is best for you and your wife is faithful priest or Catholic spiritual counselor who can guide the two of you appropriately. He would probably recommend some Marriage counseling.

I don't mean to blow you off with my answer; I'm just trying to give you the best answer within my personal ability.

Based on the last line of your question, I admire the way you are approaching this.

Living the sacramental life of the Church by:

  • renewing your covenant with Our Lord each Sunday (by Mass attendance on a weekly basis), and
  • going to Confession on a regular basis (the bishops recommend at least once a month)

is a good start for both of you, as well as some kind of daily prayer life. My preference is the Rosary.

Mike

Fr. Jonathan replied:

Dear Striving,

Whether you can forgive your wife truly from your heart will take time and effort, but what I do know is that little girl deserves a father who will love her for who she is. I would base the paternity test on what is best for you to give that girl a happy childhood.

You know yourself.

  • Will you regard her with suspicion if you don't do it or can you dismiss the uncertainty as a factor?

Your wife is not innocent and deserves all the angst but your new daughter deserves only love and acceptance from someone. Resolve now to never hold this against her and if you truly do that from your heart, God will bless you and your whole family.

I wish you all the best.

Fr. Jonathan
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