I'm so sorry for the awful experience you have had to undergo in witnessing this very diabolical scene, it must have been like walking to the gates of hell.
Sometimes you may ask,
- Why would God let this happen?, or even,
- Why would God let me see this?
Truly I think the answer is that He allowed you to see it because he trusts you, loves you, and wants to invite you into experiencing a small fraction of the pain he experiences every day. You may not have expected this but hang on.
Consider all the tears shed by Our Lady, sometimes statues weeping miraculous blood, accompanied by messages asking for consolation for her grieved Immaculate Heart and especially for that of the Sacred Heart of her Son. We think that since the cross is over that Jesus is no longer suffering, after all, isn't Heaven just bliss? That will be true in the end, but in reality the Church Militant (here on earth) which is the very body of Christ, suffers, so He is still being grieved in a way that pierces his heart like a great betrayal. He suffers in His Church, very personally, it is totally personal. I experienced this when someone I cared about maligned me falsely and spoke great evil about me. It hurt; then it dawned on me, Christ let me taste a tiny fraction of the bitter maligning He gets constantly. I never truly understood what it meant to console the Heart of Jesus until I needed consolation. We can't get Christ until we feel what he feels, and he does feel.
You were privileged to share in this misery so that you could not only insure that justice was brought to this Judas priest, but even more that you can be ever more united to Christ in His most awful pain.
- Can you imagine the pain of witnessing all the abuse in all of history at once?
To be like Christ we must suffer with Him. You will bear this cross because He allowed you to take it and will walk with you, and you will console Him and understand His Sacrifice more than you ever have.
satan wants to use this evil to drive you away from Christ, but you can't let him win. Embrace the cross and console your Savior, and if you don't know how, go to His Mother, she stood by the cross to console Him then, and she still does now as she stands by the cross of immolation in the Church today. Learn about Fatima, Akita, and so many others.
You will get through this only when God has fulfilled his reasons for letting you in. Be brave, be strong, and be faithful.
Saints are needed to fix this Church and He intends on making you one.