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My daughter is 26 and has never been married. She has fallen in love with a twice-divorced man with three children. He married at seventeen and had two boys. They divorced because
of his wife's drug problem, married again with the Justice of the Peace, but his second wife didn't
want to take care of the children.
My daughter was brought up Catholic and this is her first marriage. This could be
a fine family.
Where can she get married and can she have a blessing from
a priest?
I know she can't be married by a priest. This man was never married by
a priest and is not a Catholic. Help please and give me some guidance. I know that
they are very good to each other.
Whenever I read anything about situations like my daughter's, no one even
mentions children.
Thank you for any answer.
Carol
{
Can my
daughter marry a twice-divorced man and receive a blessing from a priest and the Church? }
Mike replied:
Hi, Carol —
When I hear you say: "She has fallen in love with
[him]" I'm very concerned that your daughter, even at age 26, may not be
conscious of the life-time commitment that marriage entails.
Do they have a solid
pre-cana program at your local Catholic parish?
If they do, fine. Your daughter with
her husband-to-be would want to make an appointment with the pastor in order to register
for this program.
The Church would also have to look at the history and background of the
divorced man to
see if, in the Church's eyes, he is still married or not. They would have to discern if there
was an impediment on either side of each of the previous marriages going into the marriage.
An impediment is where something is lacking in the proper consent for a life-long, life-giving marriage,
like not intending to have children with each other. This would make the marriage
null, in other words, a marriage never occurred.
The husband-to-be would also have to agree to raising the children of their marriage Catholic.
Due to the complexity and the array of marriage questions we receive
from this web site, we would recommend that you, and others in a similar
situation, seek out a competent priest who can assist you and your
daughter on the appropriate steps in:
discerning whether your daughter is able to marry sacramentally, and
having their marriage blessed by the Church.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church states the following about your
daughter's situation:
1633 In many countries the situation of a mixed marriage (marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic) often arises. It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors.
A case of marriage with disparity of cult (between a Catholic and a non-baptized person) requires even greater circumspection.
1634 Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise.
1635 According to the law in force in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for liceity the express permission of ecclesiastical authority.
In case of disparity of cult an express dispensation from this impediment is required for the validity of the marriage. (cf. Code of Canon Law, canon 1124, 1086) This permission or dispensation presupposes that both parties know and do not exclude the essential ends and properties of marriage; and furthermore that the Catholic party confirms the obligations, which have been made known to the non-Catholic party, of preserving his or her own faith and ensuring the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church. (cf. Code of Canon Law, canon 1125)
1636 Through ecumenical dialogue Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a common pastoral practice for mixed marriages. Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between the couple's obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them.
1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: "For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband." (1 Corinthians 7:14) It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this "consecration" should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith. (cf. 1 Corinthians 7:16) Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.
I hope this helps,
Mike
John replied:
Hi Carol,
To answer your question Carol, we need to know if the
previous marriage was sacramental.
Obviously, one of them was not, if it was done by a J.P., but if the first marriage was performed in a Catholic
or Orthodox Church where marriage is a sacrament, then
the Church will have to investigate whether or not it
was valid. There might be need for an annulment, if, of
course, that's possible.
If the Church finds that any of the previous marriages in question were
sacramentally valid, then your daughter is not free to
marry this man and remain in full communion with Holy
Mother Church.
That said, there are a lot of variables. For a marriage
to be invalid, there had to be a pre-existing impediment.
For example, you cite that the first wife used drugs.
Well, if that was the case before she married, then it's
possible that she was not capable of understanding the
sacramental union she was entering into. Also, if the
drug abuse started after she was married, it could also
indicate a pre-existing psychological disorder that eventually
lead to the substance abuse problem. In that case, one
can make a case that she was not capable of entering
into Holy Matrimony.
Again, all of this is moot if this was not a sacramental
marriage, because it was performed
in "let's say", a Baptist
or Pentecostal church.
John DiMascio
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