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Karen
Friar
wrote:
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Hello,
I am a 46- year-old, divorced Catholic who is remarried
to a divorced Protestant man.
- My first marriage was annulled.
- My second marriage was by a Presbyterian minister.
At the time, I did not understand that my current husband
needed to have his first marriage annulled as well before
we could be married. After I found out, I asked him if
he would get an annulment and remarry me in front of a
Catholic priest. At first, he said he would, but now he
has reconsidered. He doesn't like the fact that it costs
money and he says, his first wife will never allow it.
I have tried to understand his reasons and reassure him
of his doubts but it has not worked. I still attend Mass
faithfully but do not receive the sacraments. My question
is:
- Is there any way I can receive the sacraments again,
even if he refuses to get an annulment?
Thank you,
Karen F.
Ohio
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Is
there any way I can receive the sacraments again even if
he refuses to get an annulment? }
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Mary
Ann replied:
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Dear Karen,
- First, where does he get the idea that it costs
money?
- Second, his wife does not need to allow
it. It can proceed without her input.
If she is concerned that it casts her marriage
into a bad light, she need not be. The civil marriage
status remains intact. The Church simply examines
the consent and the circumstances to see if the contracting parties meant what she means by marriage
when they took their vows.
- Third, if he refuses to get an annulment, he
is letting minor considerations (money and
the displeasure of an ex—) determine whether
or not you can follow your conscience.
That is
not love.
- Fourth, you are right to perceive that you need
to have your marriage convalidated
— right now it is invalid for two reasons:
- the presumed pre-existing marriage bond of
your husband, and
- the fact that, as a Catholic, you married without
a Catholic witness and a dispensation from the
bishop.
Finally, to answer your question:
You may receive the sacraments without his annulment if you live as brother and sister. If you choose
not to do that, then you may attend Mass and
be part of the parish but not receive the sacraments.
I hope this helps. Do not be discouraged.
Pray, trust, and don't worry.
Mary Ann
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