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I have a question regarding Catholic marriage. My fiancé and
I have a child together and are currently living together.
My child has already been baptized in the Catholic Church
and we have decided to formally marry through the Catholic
Church. This is where things seem to be a bit more difficult.
My fiancé's parents are divorced with one parent
being a devout Jehovah Witness and another parent being a convert to the Catholic Faith, though he's currently not practicing
the faith.
When growing up,
he [my fiancé] attended religious education for both parents due to
this conflict.
He currently does not belong to any religion and was never
baptized into any religion. He agreed to allow me (since
I'm a practicing Catholic) to raise our child as a Catholic.
He also agreed to marry me in the Catholic Church. Though
he works on Sundays, he occasionally attends church with
me and my daughter on such occasions like Christmas, Easter,
etc. At this time, he does not have any plans on becoming
a Catholic.
Will this cause an issue for us as far as marrying
in the Catholic Church?
Will our marriage be recognized by the Church as a Sacrament?
Jan
{
Will our marriage in the Church be a valid, sacramental one and will our different faiths matter? }
John
replied:
Hi, Jan —
You will need to get a dispensation to marry someone
outside the faith. These are fairly easy to obtain,
however, it also sounds like you need to go to Confession.
You say you are living together and have a child.
Assuming you are having relations, you
are objectively living in sin.
If you want the graces that come from a sacramental
marriage, then you need to be in a state of grace
to receive them.
It's wonderful that you want to marry in the Church
and indeed it's terrific that you bring your child
to Mass so please don't take my statement as passing
judgment. Nevertheless, you asked if the marriage would be
sacramental so I have to give you all the facts.
Yes, it would be valid, but in terms of receiving
the grace that goes with a sacramental marriage, you
need to examine your conscience in the light of Church
Teaching.
God Bless, and good luck,
John
Jan
replied:
Dear John,
Thank you for the information and advice.
I will be speaking with the parish priest or deacon very
soon. I have looked further into this matter and
realize this would also involve abstinence until
the marriage. I would like to ask a second question
if possible.
Would the ceremony differ in any way from other
weddings I have attended?
Also, would our ceremony be considered a traditional
wedding ceremony or only a convalidation?
When we baptized our daughter, the Deacon strongly
advised us to not get married in civil court. Instead,
he insisted we wait until we both felt we were ready
to marry in the Church. The Deacon is also aware
that my fiancé has
no religious affiliation.
Jan
John
replied:
Jan,
Since you aren't married civilly, I would assume
it would be a wedding and not a convalidation. That
said, if your fiancé isn't Catholic, it might
be odd to have a Mass at the wedding. Obviously,
he couldn't receive Holy Communion and that might
be a bit awkward. Nevertheless, you can check with
the priest. Irrespective of whether you have a Mass
with the ceremony, it would be considered a valid
marriage ceremony.
Now let me challenge you just a bit more. It seems
like you really want to do the right thing and that
is praiseworthy and admirable, especially these days.
I would venture to say that it is the Holy
Spirit that is drawing you back to the Church.
I would exhort you to gently share with your fiancé why
you feel drawn back to the Church. You will be making
a life long commitment with this man and the Scriptures
admonishes us not to be yoked to unbelievers. (2 Corinthians
6:14)
I'm not suggesting you bash your fiancé over
the head with a Bible or Catechism but you will be
spending the rest of your lives together. You will
make all your decisions together. Important life
decisions for Catholics must be rooted in the faith.
This is sometimes difficult when one spouse doesn't
share that faith.
I understand your fiancé's hesitancy but I encourage
you to use this opportunity to gently share what
God is doing in you with your fiancé. Who
knows, hopefully he'll come around sooner than later.
John
Jan
replied:
Thank you again.
Part of the reason we have taken some time on marrying
has been on my behalf. I wanted to make sure I was
making the right decision due to the fact that we
are not of the same faith. This was always something
that was very important to me. I had to search down
deep to truly decide
if I believed our union would last due to these differences.
I believe that marriage is a life long commitment
not something that last only until times get tough
and then we quit.
He grew up with divorced parents whereas my parents
will be celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary this November. He has taken his experiences
and learned from them. He is a great father to our
daughter and truly wants to establish a life together with us.
I feel it is positive that he is willing to get married
in the Church and has been open to raising our
daughter in the Catholic Church as well as occasionally
attending Mass with us.
One thing that was important to me was that he truly
understood how sacred and significance it is
to me, for us to get married in the Church. He did
ask early on that I not pressure him into converting.
This stems from his father pressing him while growing up
as his father is a Jehovah Witness.
I can
understand this, so instead I take delight in the
Sundays he joins us for Mass. I use it as an opportunity
to show him why my faith is so important to me. I
agree that perhaps a ceremony would be the best choice
for us.
Jan
John
replied:
Dear Jan,
Sounds like you are on the right track. One last
suggestion. You mentioned that one of his parents
was a Jehovah's Witness. This group is a cult with
an aberrational and controlling social dynamic.
If he was exposed to this sort of behavior and mind
control, he may need some counseling to recover and
to be able to accept the true Gospel.
If that is
the case, I have a Protestant (minister) friend who
does excellent work in this area. He takes a very
pastoral approach; he's not just a cult buster.
At the same time, he concentrates on helping people
to recover from the mind control so he can be trusted
to not promote Protestantism. He's probably the best
in the business that I know, in terms of taking a
very compassionate and pastoral approach.
If you need assistance in that regard, let me know.
John
Mike replied:
Hi, Jan —
You said:
Will this cause an issue for us as far as marrying
in the Catholic Church?
This is what the Catechism of the Catholic Church says on your question:
1633 In many countries the situation of a mixed marriage (marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic) often arises. It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors.
A case of marriage with disparity of cult (between a Catholic and a non-baptized person) requires even greater circumspection.
1634 Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise.
1635 According to the law in force in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for liceity the express permission of ecclesiastical authority.
In case of disparity of cult an express dispensation from this impediment is required for the validity of the marriage. (cf. Code of Canon Law, canon 1124, 1086) This permission or dispensation presupposes that both parties know and do not exclude the essential ends and properties of marriage; and furthermore that the Catholic party confirms the obligations, which have been made known to the non-Catholic party, of preserving his or her own faith and ensuring the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church. (cf. Code of Canon Law, canon 1125)
1636 Through ecumenical dialogue Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a common pastoral practice for mixed marriages. Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between the couple's obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them.
1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: "For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband." (1 Corinthians 7:14) It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this "consecration" should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith. (cf. 1 Corinthians 7:16) Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.
Hope this helps,
Mike
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