Bringing you the
"Good News" of Jesus Christ
and His Church While PROMOTING CATHOLIC
Apologetic Support groups loyal to the Holy Father and Church's
magisterium
I know that you receive many questions concerning
Catholics that remarry without an annulment.
I was wondering if you would be able to help
me sort out some of my concerns.
I was married in a Catholic church when I
was 19. My husband came from a completely
different background. He was a heavy drinker,
but at that age I thought he would change.
After three months of marriage, he would stay
out all night, then six months later, I caught
him with a bar maid.
We separated for six months then went back together
and had one child.
Things never really got better and after seven
years of marriage:
I met someone else
divorced
my husband and
remarried.
This was 30 years
ago and I wanted to try for an annulment but,
when my mother shared this with his family,
they were very angry and told my mother by
the time they finish dragging my name through
the mud, I would get an annulment over their
dead bodies.
My mother refused to go through the embarrassment
of this so I remarried civilly. I have been
remarried for 25 years and have two children.
My second husband is a Catholic and my first
husband, well who knows. He told the
priest, at the time, he had no Baptismal certificate
because the church had burnt down. The priest
must have believed him but I think he was
lying. All my children are Catholic and I
have taken them to church occasionally throughout
the year; two of them are Catholic school
teachers.
Five years ago I started to really practice
my faith again; you could say I had a conversion.
The main problem is I don't know how to repent
of this second marriage, as I feel that divorcing
my second husband, who by the way, doesn't
believe in divorce, wouldn't be right either.
I have never told my parish priest any of
this and nobody in my parish knows I have
been married twice.
I cry myself to sleep every night because
I just don't know what to do.
If you are able to help me, I would thank-you
kindly.
Mary Beth
{
Can you help me sort out some marital concerns and tell me how to repent of my 2nd marriage? }
Paul
replied:
Dear Mary Beth,
Your sincerity in wanting to straighten
your situation out is admirable.
It is difficult for us here to tell
you anything about your specific
case. You would have to take the
steps of informing your parish priest
and then seeking the annulment. It
may be painful at first, but well
worth it in the end.
As always, there must be a presumption
of validity until an annulment is
granted. Your first husband's drunkenness
and infidelity may (or may not) be
signs that his original consent was
invalid; that's something a
Church tribunal would have to officially
investigate. The fact that he may
not even be baptized, extrapolating
from what you said about his records
possibly being burnt up in the fire,
could play a big part also.
Cooperation from both parties is
not necessary for an annulment to
be granted, so don't despair if he decides not to cooperate. Do keep
in mind, that since a valid marriage
is indissoluble, it must be presumed
that you are married to husband #1
until, or unless, the annulment is
granted.
This would mean either separation
from bed and board from man #2 until
the process is complete, or if
this is recognized by you and your
pastor to be impractical or harmful
to persons affected by the situation
now, at least a commitment to
live as brother and sister until,
or unless, the annulment is declared
would be necessary.
Peace,
Paul
Mary
Beth replied:
Hi, Paul —
Thanks for your quick response. I
will seriously think about getting
an annulment. It will depend on witnesses;
I know my mother still finds this
embarrassing and my eldest daughter
doesn't understand why I would want
to do this.
I really think my husband lied about
being baptized as this was in 1975
and the church he was talking about
burnt down in 2005.
If he did lie about being baptized,
would this make the annulment
process quicker?
I just want to live in peace!
Thanks,
Mary Beth
Paul
replied:
Hi, Mary Beth —
My colleagues will correct me if
I'm wrong, but if you were married
in the Church and your husband was
not baptized, this would carry with
it the technical term of disparity
of cult. A special dispensation
from the Catholic Church (an official
exception) would be required to validate
the marriage but it would have been
non-sacramental.
Only two baptized persons can enter
into a sacramental marriage. A marriage
can be valid without being sacramental;
but without that dispensation, it
would be invalid. If you can demonstrate
that he was not baptized, it might
expedite the whole process and make
the process go rather quickly.
Talk to your pastor about the
whole thing. I've included what the
Catechism states on a disparity
of cult below.
1633 In many countries the situation
of a mixed marriage, (marriage
between a Catholic and a baptized
non-Catholic), often arises. It
requires particular attention
on the part of couples and their
pastors. A case of marriage with
disparity of cult (between a Catholic
and a non-baptized person) requires
even greater circumspection.
1634 Difference of confession
between the spouses does not constitute
an insurmountable obstacle for
marriage, when they succeed in
placing in common what they have
received from their respective
communities, and learn from each
other the way in which each lives
in fidelity to Christ. But the
difficulties of mixed marriages
must not be underestimated. They
arise from the fact that the separation
of Christians has not yet been
overcome. The spouses risk experiencing
the tragedy of Christian disunity
even in the heart of their own
home. Disparity of cult can further
aggravate these difficulties.
Differences about faith and the
very notion of marriage, but also
different religious mentalities,
can become sources of tension
in marriage, especially as regards
the education of children. The
temptation to religious indifference
can then arise.
1635 According to the law in force
in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage
needs for liceity the express
permission of ecclesiastical authority. (cf. Code of Canon Law, Canon 1124) In case of disparity of cult an
express dispensation from this
impediment is required for the
validity of the marriage. (cf. Code of Canon Law, Canon 1086) This
permission or dispensation presupposes
that both parties know and do
not exclude the essential ends
and properties of marriage; and
furthermore that the Catholic
party confirms the obligations,
which have been made known to
the non-Catholic party,
of preserving his or her own faith
and ensuring the baptism and education
of the children in the Catholic
Church. (cf. Code of Canon Law, Canon 1125)
1636 Through ecumenical dialogue Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a common pastoral practice for mixed marriages. Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between the couple's obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them.
1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task:
"For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband."
It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this "consecration" should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith. (cf. 1 Corinthians 7:16) Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.
Paul
Please report any and all typos or grammatical errors.
Suggestions for this web page and the web site can be sent to Mike Humphrey
