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Suzanna Thompson
wrote:
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Hi, guys —
I just recently found out that it is a sin
for me to be married to my husband because
he has been married and divorced. I don't know what I should do about this
issue.
- Refraining from sex is not an option
so should I be looking at divorce?
The Church my husband used to go to says they
have no record of the marriages being blessed
by the Church.
- If he gets his marriage annulled, can we
get our marriage blessed?
I am just so confused about what I should
do.
Suzanna
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Since I just found out about this sinful marital situation, should I be looking at divorce? }
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Eric
replied:
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Dear Suzanna,
Well, specifically to have relations
with your husband is, formally and
technically speaking, adultery, since
he is formally married to someone
else, assuming he doesn't have an
annulment.
As you note, this calls for refraining
from conjugal relations. If you don't
do this, you should refrain from
receiving the Eucharist, although
you are encouraged to attend Mass.
The ultimate solution involves obtaining
an annulment for your husband for
his previous marriage, assuming there
are sufficient grounds for one. Then
you can have your marriage blessed (convalidated)
and everything will be copacetic.
I'm a little confused as to why you
seem to be willing to divorce your
husband but not to temporarily abstain
from relations with him, but that's
your business. Of course, if he
doesn't get an annulment, divorce
may be your only legitimate option.
In this case, you should get an annulment
for this marriage, which would be
routine.
Eric
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Paul
replied:
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Dear Suzanna,
I would concur with my colleague
Eric. Also, realize that you are
not guilty for anything up to this
point because of your sincere ignorance
in this matter. As you know, the
Church sees a valid marriage as being
permanent, so uncovering the truth
about your husband's former unions
is important.
Speak to your pastor (and/or) contact
your diocesan tribunal about this
situation. If there was no marriage
record, there is a chance that very
little would have to be done. If
there were previously recognized
unions, there would have to be an
annulment before your marriage can
be validated in the Church. Until
this occurs, refraining from all
sexual intimacy would be the right
thing to do.
If your putative husband will not
allow this, see what your pastor
suggests; there is a possibility
he may suggest temporary separation
with the hope of reconciliation after
the situation becomes regularized.
If he was previously married, the
presumption must be that it was, and
still is, valid until or unless an
annulment is granted by the Church.
This may be a difficult time for
you. Loving God above all things
(and all persons) is at times a challenging
command.
Continue to pray and stay
close to the sacraments and to loved
ones.
Paul
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