Joanne,

Thank you so much for your question.

I would encourage you to seek a good spiritual director.  Perhaps you may need to some professional counseling as well to deal with the family issues.

You said that it was difficult for you to believe, in a heartfelt way, all the teachings of the Church. The term heartfelt leads me to think that you are confusing an emotional response to
a teaching within the faith.

Faith is not a feeling. Many doctrines, depending on how they are presented and depending on your perspective and circumstances, can cause a favorable or unfavorable emotional response.

So it's important not to confuse how we feel about things or whether or not we understand things, with whether or not, as a Catholic, we can accept things.

Faith, like Love, involves an act of the will. The battle takes place in the mind so we begin by trying understand the authority of the Church and where it comes from. When push comes to shove, I don't trust my priest, my bishop, or the Pope. OK, now that I've shocked you, let me explain.

That which I believe about God affects my eternal destiny so, while on a human level:

• I love and trust my pastor
• I admire and respect my bishop, and
• I think the world of Benedict and John Paul II before him

I can't rely on their human weakness to save me. Instead, I trust in Christ Jesus, Our Lord.
Now from there, I have to look at His Word and see what promises and guarantees He has made to ensure His Gospel would be protected from error in being transmitted to the world.

Scripture tells me Jesus Christ established a Church. He sent His Holy Spirit to lead and guide the Church. He gave the Church spiritual gifts in the form of offices. He founded His Church on Twelve Apostles; Peter chief among them. He promised Peter and the Apostles that the gates of Hell would not prevail against the Church. In doing so, He guaranteed that the Church could not teach error when defining a matter of faith and morals. He gave Peter special authority as chief of the Apostles and He gave him the keys of the Kingdom. (Matthew 16:13-20)

So behind the teachings of the Church, stands the promise of our Lord to protect the Church from officially teaching an error in matters of faith and morals. That doesn't mean that Church leaders wouldn't fail to follow those teachings. Obviously, one just needs to look at the recent scandals. Better yet, just look at Judas — you can't fail to follow Christ's teaching, much more than Judas.

St. Paul wrote to Timothy that 15 . . . the pillar and foundation of the truth is the Church (1 Timothy 3:15), so when I accept a doctrine which is emotionally hard to swallow, I'm fundamentally relying on the promise of Christ. Without that meaning of Christ's Promise and the Holy Spirit, then the Church is simply an organization or a bunch guys wearing cool hats telling us what to do. If that's the case, we have no reliable proof that Jesus:

• did anything
• taught anything
• rose from the dead, or
• perhaps even existed.

So don't be discouraged about your emotional inability to accept certain teachings. Start by focusing on your relationship with Jesus. Try studying the Church and the authority given to it by Jesus. To that end, our knowledge base should be helpful. We have a lot of answers that deal with the Papacy, infallibility, Tradition and so forth. Work on those teachings you have trouble with.

But most importantly, you have some trust issues because of your father and his background.
You need to allow Jesus to heal those wounds. It may take counseling. I think a good Spiritual director is the place to start.

God Bless,

John

Hi, Joanne —

I'm not sure how they do it in your diocese, but you can start by talking to someone in the chancery and asking them, who provides spiritual direction. Often times, you can find a good director in a religious order but make sure the person is faithful to the teachings of the Church as well as being pastoral.

You do have a real issue that needs to be resolved. You're not just married to a divorced man.
You are technically in adultery. I highly encourage you to talk to your spouse about trying to get an annulment. There is no guarantee that it will be granted, but they are fairly easy to obtain if there is any pre-existing reason that could invalidate the marriage. They give them for a variety of reasons — among them:

• emotional immaturity
• one of the parties (who entered into the marriage) believing divorce was an option if things didn't work out
• a failure to understand the sacramental nature of Christian marriage.

It would be a good idea for you to get this straight. Jesus is very clear in the Gospel, if a man divorces his wife and marries another, when his first wife is still alive, then he commits adultery. (Matthew 5:31-32, Luke 16:18) This isn't something the Church made up; it's right in the Scriptures.

As far as finding a good Christian counselor, again, I would look in the directory or do a Google search. Also, don't be afraid to go talk to your parish priest. He could help you with both a counselor and a spiritual director.  He can also explain the annulment process to you.

No one is going to tell you to leave or get out because of your irregular marriage. You are always welcome to attend Church and pray with the community but you should refrain from receiving the Eucharist until you can get your marriage situation straight.

God Bless,

John

Joanne —

There is absolutely no reason to be afraid of talking with a priest. The fact that you are approaching him about finding a way to be reconciled with the Church will probably make his day, unless of course, he's an idiot that shouldn't be in the priesthood.

You've confessed to God but you are still living in the sin. Repentance means to change direction. It means to turn away from the sin and turn to God so you can go to Confession, but the priest can't absolve you of your sins (unless you were on your death bed; and that's not the case).

Your husband may have gotten disgusted with the process and perhaps it's because he was poorly catechized. You have every right to ask your husband to do this. It involves your status with the Church.

You may have not known what you were doing at the time, but now, you know.

You really have to start dealing with it and that's why you need to start by having a conversation with your priest and letting him advise you on how to proceed with your husband. If your husband really loves you, he wants the best for you, in this life, and the next. You can't, in good conscience, continue to live in an adulterous marriage. God is always willing to forgive, but we can't make a mockery of His Mercy. This is difficult for you, I know, and we will try to encourage you along the way. Certainly we recommend that you find a priest who is faithful to Rome and the Holy Father, but it's up to you to decide if you want to continue to, knowingly, live in adultery.

God Bless,

John