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I'm a Roman Catholic and I love a guy who
is a Hindu. I can't ask him to change his
religion, and he won't ask me to change mine.
If I marry him, will God punish me?
I'm a girl, and if we have children, they
will be Hindus. Since a child, I always wanted
my children to be brought up with the values
I've learned.
I'm confused on whether I could chose this
person or should marry someone else who is
Catholic.
Please help me,
Ana
{
Will
God punish me if I marry a Hindu and forget about the values I've been brought up with? }
Mary
Ann replied:
Ana,
The Church discourages mixed marriages,
and you will need a dispensation
from the bishop.
To get it, you will have to promise
to raise your children Catholic.
Why would you want to deprive
them of Baptism, of life and truth?
Why consign them to the world
of paganism, even though it reflects
many partial truths,
as in a broken mirror?
You should not marry this man unless:
you know you are strong enough to
maintain your faith (which you
must not know very well; it is far
more than values), and
raise your children
in the Lord's grace and truth.
You mention that you can't ask
him to change, and that he won't ask
you to change.
That is a big difference.
You are already starting off with
a power differential, and I can see
you submitting to his way . . . you
already have, by saying that your
children will be Hindu.
Mary Ann
Paul
replied:
Hi Ana,
The Church teaches (and your heart
tells you) that if a Catholic
were to marry a non-Catholic,
both parties must promise to raise
the children Catholic. That is the
hard truth to deal with here.
If both parties do not promise this
and they marry outside
the Church, it would be an invalid
marriage. That would mean, objectively,
the sin of perpetual fornication
and estrangement from Christ in the
Eucharist.
If you both were to promise to raise
the children Catholic, there is a
serious obligation to do so. Even
so, the marriage would be valid,
but not sacramental. This is because
both parties are not baptized, and
the sacramental flow of grace from
one to the other would not be present.
It would be considered a valid natural
marriage but a non-sacramental one.
Taking all of this into consideration,
although the Church rightly discourages
such mixed marriages and for very
good reasons, she does not forbid
them. I know through observing and
counseling people over the years
that with married couples, religion
can be a huge stumbling block to
marital closeness and happiness.
Even between two people of the same
faith, where one takes it seriously
and the other doesn't.
In our day,
we live in a culture that is not
conducive to being married and being
in a life-long commitment. Because
there are so many other things, on
the natural level, that can make a
marriage very challenging, today
it is wise to seek to be equally
yoked with someone on the most basic
level, their faith life.
Paul
Mike replied:
Dear Ana,
I'm a little confused about what you are saying.
You said: I'm a Roman Catholic and I love a guy who
is a Hindu. I can't ask him to change his
religion, and he won't ask me to change mine.
If I marry him, will God punish me?
I'm a girl, and if we have children, they
will be Hindus. Since a child, I always wanted
my children to be brought up with the values
I've learned.
While I admire you for the desire to raise your children with the values you've learned, you have already conceded that they will be raised in a different faith: Hindu. If we love our children, we should want to raised them with values we believe will be best for them.
The problem in your case, is that it appears you were never properly taught the Catholic faith.
Take what Mary Ann and Paul have say to heart. They are right on the nose in what they have said. The biggest mistake seriously dating boyfriends and girlfriends make is:
not talking about faith issues in each others life, prior to marriage, and
how they plan to raise their future children (the fruit of their conjugal love).
To all seriously dating boyfriends and girlfriends, hear me load and clear:
Don't hide faith issues until you are married. Talk up front and honestly about them now, while you are dating. Postponing this issue will only bring future chaos in the marriage.
To your question. You said:
If I marry him, will God punish me?
God respects our free will and He only wants what is best for us.
If you want the great blessings that being a Catholic entail (yes, despite the scandalous behavior of some members), I would encourage you to:
talk to a local priest who is know for being faithful to the Church.
We have the free will to turn away from God's blessing but it is because of our free will, not God's punishment. This portion from the Catechism may be helpful as well.
1633 In many countries the situation
of a mixed marriage, (marriage
between a Catholic and a baptized
non-Catholic), often arises. It
requires particular attention
on the part of couples and their
pastors. A case of marriage with
disparity of cult (between a Catholic
and a non-baptized person) requires
even greater circumspection.
1634 Difference of confession
between the spouses does not constitute
an insurmountable obstacle for
marriage, when they succeed in
placing in common what they have
received from their respective
communities, and learn from each
other the way in which each lives
in fidelity to Christ. But the
difficulties of mixed marriages
must not be underestimated. They
arise from the fact that the separation
of Christians has not yet been
overcome. The spouses risk experiencing
the tragedy of Christian disunity
even in the heart of their own
home. Disparity of cult can further
aggravate these difficulties.
Differences about faith and the
very notion of marriage, but also
different religious mentalities,
can become sources of tension
in marriage, especially as regards
the education of children. The
temptation to religious indifference
can then arise.
1635 According to the law in force
in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage
needs for liceity the express
permission of ecclesiastical authority. (cf. Code of Canon Law, Canon 1124) In case of disparity of cult an
express dispensation from this
impediment is required for the
validity of the marriage. (cf. Code of Canon Law, Canon 1086) This
permission or dispensation presupposes
that both parties know and do
not exclude the essential ends
and properties of marriage; and
furthermore that the Catholic
party confirms the obligations,
which have been made known to
the non-Catholic party,
of preserving his or her own faith
and ensuring the baptism and education
of the children in the Catholic
Church. (cf. Code of Canon Law, Canon 1125)
1636 Through ecumenical dialogue Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a common pastoral practice for mixed marriages. Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between the couple's obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them.
1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task:
"For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband."
It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this "consecration" should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith. (cf. 1 Corinthians 7:16) Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.
Hope this helps,
Mike
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