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Jacqueline
wrote:
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Hi, guys —
I have a question regarding marriage between
a Catholic and a non-Catholic.
My husband and I have now been married for two
and a half years and we have a daughter
together; I am the Catholic and he is not.
We were married in the Catholic Church, went
through Pre-cana classes, and he knew:
- where I was in my faith
- what I thought
- what was expected of us (i.e. being open
to life, raising our children Catholic,
etc.), and
- I never once lied to him or led him on
but he apparently did so to me.
After being married for seven months, I became
pregnant and he immediately stated he did
not want the child to be raised Catholic.
I said that we promised in our vows and that
he had agreed to raising the children Catholic.
He balked and said:
"I said that I would raise them Catholic
to the best of my ability and the best
of my ability is to let them know about
Catholicism, but not raise them Catholic."
We had a major fight in which he tried to
state he would divorce me if I had our child
baptized and raised Catholic. I told him he
could leave, but I was not going to put my
child's soul in jeopardy by not baptizing
her. He does not believe in infant baptism and wanted to wait until she was eight or
nine.
He tried to pull the:
I'm your husband and you are to submit
to me. bit
but I refused to budge. So in the end, we
stayed together and had her baptized Catholic,
but there is a lot of resentment between us
because of this.
Well, yesterday he practically admitted that
he was not honest with me when we were getting
married. He said he knew where I stood, and
he knew about the children being raised Catholic,
but that as soon as he became my husband,
I was to submit to him, regardless of what
he demanded. He said:
"I just wanted to say, whatever, so
that everyone would be happy and we could
get married, then once we were married,
I could do whatever I wanted to do, and
that's just too bad for you; you are to
submit to me and do it."
So pretty much, he told me that:
- he lied to me
- he led me to believe that we were in agreement
on this, and
- there would be no contest on family issues
with the understanding that as soon as
he was my husband, he could demand of me
anything he wanted, and I couldn't do a
single thing about it.
I could not believe he was so manipulative.
Now, he constantly tells me that he knows what
the Bible says and that I am sinning against
God every day by not submitting to my husband.
I do not know what to do.
- Am I sinning even though I am following
God and His Church in what She teaches?
- Am I to submit to my husband as
to the Lord or to God first?, or
- Did I marry this man under false pretenses?
Thank you,
Jacqueline
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In light of Ephesians 5:21-24, am I sinning though I am following God and the Church's teaching? }
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Mary
Ann replied:
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Hi, Jacqueline —
You were deceived by this man in
marrying him, and that is grounds
for an annulment.
Also, he deceived the Church.
Take
this matter to your pastor.
Mary Ann
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Mike
replied:
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Hi, Jacqueline —
On issues of marriage, I would never
disagree with my colleague Mary Ann.
I would just want to point out that
the non-Catholic party does not have
to agree to raise the children Catholic;
they only have to agree not to interfere
with the Catholic spouse raising
them Catholic.
A fine point, but it may be an important
one.
I think it is sad that he is pulling Ephesians 5 out of context. Let's
see what it really says.
If he quotes to you Ephesians 5:21-24,
tell him he forgot the next four
verses of this chapter and quote Ephesians 5:25-28.
The Christian Household | Marriage — Christ and the Church
21 Be
subject to one another out of
reverence for Christ.
22 Wives,
be subject to your husbands, as
to the Lord. 23 For
the husband is the head of the
wife as Christ is the head of
the church, his body, and is himself
its Savior. 24 As
the church is subject to Christ,
so let wives also be subject in
everything to their husbands.
Ephesians 5:21-24 |
25 Husbands,
love your wives, as Christ loved
the church and gave himself up
for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having
cleansed her by the washing of
water with the word, 27 that
he might present the church to
himself in splendor, without spot
or wrinkle or any such thing,
that she might be holy and without
blemish. 28 Even
so husbands should love their
wives as their own bodies. He
who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For
no man ever hates his own flesh,
but nourishes and cherishes it,
as Christ does the church, 30 because
we are members of his body. 31 "For
this reason a man shall leave
his father and mother and be joined
to his wife, and the two shall
become one flesh." 32 This
is a great mystery, and I mean
in reference to Christ and the
church; 33 however,
let each one of you love his wife
as himself, and let the wife see
that she respects her husband.
Ephesians 5:25-33 |
Then ask him:
- Is he willing to give his life
up for you, as Christ gave up
His Life for the Catholic Church?
- Does he love you, in mind and
body, just as he loves his own
self, in mind and body?
This is what Ephesians 5:25-33 calls
him to do.
- Ask him these questions in a
charitable manner and ask him
if he thinks he is sinning against
God based on the Scriptures your read to him.
Mike
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Mary
Ann replied:
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Absolutely correct, Mike.
I did not address that, because I
thought maybe it had been mis-represented
to them.
The deception, however, did not have
anything to do with the precise nature
of the promise. It is the fact that
he did not sincerely make any promise
at all, because he intended to do
something different.
Jacqueline, he deceived you and the
Church in making the promise, which
was a condition of
your dispensation to be able to validly marry
a non-Catholic. Moreover, he deceived
you about his belief system. Both
of these deceptions are among the
oldest grounds for nullity in a marriage.
Jacqueline, you should address this
matter with a good priest.
Mary Ann
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