Shirley,

I am glad you escaped safely.

The reason the Church wanted to find out if your previous marriages were valid is that she knows, as you know, that we can't be married to two people at once.

The Church holds, with Jesus, that marriage cannot be dissolved, but if there was no valid marriage to begin with, then the person is free to marry, what would be a second or third time in the eyes of the state, but only the first time in the eyes of God.

As for the money, it was to cover the expenses of the tribunal system. I am sorry if you were offended and I hope your marriage is blest.

Mary Ann

Shirley —

God forgives when we repent. We trust His word. It is our repentance that is often insincere or faulty. We should try to repent because of God's love and holiness, not only out of shame and regret. If we are Catholic, we know His forgiveness because we have a real and effective sign of it in the sacrament of Confession, when the priest says, in the name of Christ, "I absolve you from your sins..." This forgiveness applies only when people are sincerely sorry. The sacrament is not a magic vending machine! : ) Those who are not Catholic should repent wholeheartedly and trust in Christ's mercy. The Father's is Mercy and Jesus' name, means Savior, so you can trust God.

Repentance is more than being ashamed (which can just be our pride hurt). It is turning away from a sin that is against God's will and against our own good, and turning toward the love of God and others. You might want to apologize to any people you hurt, and you might want to repair any damage to yourself by renewing your present matrimonial vows and trying to live in a way that avoids the occasions of sin. You might also ask God to show you the roots of this sin in yourself, so that you will know yourself and be free of this temptation in the future.

About guilt: Moral guilt is the fact of having knowingly and willingly done wrong. Moral guilt is not shame or regret or remorse. Feeling guilty morally means having knowledge of what we have done; it means realizing our state in relation to God, like the Prodigal Son coming to his senses — read the story!

Then there is psychological guilt. It could have deep roots from childhood experiences. It could be shame or embarrassment. It could be lots of things. After we have been forgiven, it can persist in an unhealthy way, and needs to be combatted by trust in God's mercy, by immersing yourself in God's saving Word, and by walking in faith in God's forgiveness.

When we are rescued from sin, we can be like a person who is rescued from drowning. We can fight and struggle and then jump back in, because we want to do things on our own. Or we can be glad we are saved, and be grateful to our Savior. The memory of your sin, once it is forgiven, can become what Paul's sin was for him:

• an occasion for giving thanks
• for glad witness to God's goodness, and
• the spur to passing on the forgiveness of God to other people in your life.

God bless you!

Mary Ann