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Rachel
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Hi, guys —
A friend of mine has recently converted to Catholicism and his fiancée is Baptist. Their difference in religions do not seem to be a hindrance and she has agreed to the main proponents of being a spouse to a Catholic:
- that the children will be raised Catholic
- they will be open to life and
- she understands it is a Sacrament
The issue they are having is that her father refuses to come to the wedding if it is held in a Catholic church. Obviously, this has upset her because she wishes her father to walk her down the aisle. They were told by their priest that the bishop can grant a dispensation to be married in a Protestant church, as long as a Catholic priest was witness to the wedding; then it would be valid, licit, and sacramental.
From what I had been told, the Catholic priest has to be the one to officiate at least the vows and the exchanging of rings.
I know a Protestant and Catholic priest can co-celebrate a wedding, but I thought for the marriage to be sacramental and valid in the eyes of the Church that the Catholic priest must officiate a certain part of the wedding.
- Can you clarify on this for me?
Thanks,
Rachel
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{
Does a Catholic priest have to officiate a certain part of the wedding for it to be sacramental? }
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Mary Ann replied:
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This is starting badly.
If she insists on marrying in a Protestant church because her father won't attend, she will most likely not be strong enough to fulfill her promises about the children.
As for the priest, Catholics do not believe the priest celebrates or officiates at the marriage.
He only witnesses. The couple are the celebrants of the sacrament. The priest, however, celebrates the Nuptial Mass.
Tell your friend that depriving her husband of the ability to offer the Sacrifice of the Mass and receive Communion in the Body of the Lord is a terrible thing on his wedding day, because the Eucharist is also a prime symbol of marriage, and gives Catholics the strength to give themselves fully in the Lord to each other, as He gives Himself to us.
Mary Ann
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Rachel replied:
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Hi Mary Ann —
I think they are trying to compromise. She had no issue with being married in a Catholic church, but she wants her father there.
I am confused though because while the priest only witnesses, I still thought he had to be the one who blesses the rings and asks the questions for them to answer, due to the fact that the Protestant vows may not be the same as the Catholic vows.
I don't think they were going to have a Nuptial Mass but a Catholic wedding ceremony, due to the high number of people attending who are not Catholic. (I believe he is the only one — and me.)
Rachel
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Mary Ann replied:
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Rachel —
Yes, only a priest can bless the rings. I don't know about the questions, but the Catholic ones do need to be asked and answered. The vows have to be the Catholic vows, which most Protestants also use; not made up ones.
If this guy is the lone Catholic at his own wedding, I am surprised, especially if he just converted. He should have close Catholic friends and clergy from the RCIA process.
Mary Ann
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Rachel replied:
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Thanks Mary Ann,
Due to other circumstances, he had to do the RCIA classes separately from the rest of the class.
So he pretty much had one-on-one classes with the priest. He is very close to the priest, but his family is not Catholic and neither is anyone on her side of the family. I think a total of 4 or 5 Catholics would be there, and that includes the priest.
Rachel
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Fr. Jonathan replied:
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Hi Rachel,
I think you need some canonical help on this one.
First, the promises:
The Catholic promises to continue to be a Catholic and promises to do all in his/her power to baptize and raise the children as Catholics. The other party makes no commitment or promise; they only witness the Catholic party's promises. The key to understanding it is the “all in my power” part; namely that is not the same as
“I will…” but it is close.
Second, what can be done:
With a Dispensation from Form and Permissions for Mixed Marriage and Place, they can have the wedding in the Protestant Church with the Protestant Minister being the principal celebrant and the Catholic Church will recognize it.
Third, about the Mass:
Proceed with caution on having a Mass for “mixed marriages” as it is not necessary and at least half the Church including one of the parties won't be able to receive Holy Communion. Often better to have a Ceremony instead.
Fourth, concerning the rings:
A priest can bless the rings any time – it doesn't have to be at the ring ceremony during the wedding.
Fifth, concerning the father:
This should lead to a good discussion during the Catholic Marriage preparation.
It happens a lot. It may very well indicate challenges to come, but the respect the person is showing to their future father-in-law is a good enough reason for the Bishop to grant the dispensation from Form.
I hope this is helpful.
Fr. Jonathan
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