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Dear Luticia,
I'll try to analyze your situation canonically:
Your first marriage is not relevant to your current situation as your first husband has died.
Your second Marriage had to have been outside of the Catholic Church as your current husband is not free to marry. This leaves you in a current situation where you are not able to receive Holy Communion, unless you have spoken to your priest confidentially within the context of Confession concerning what is known as the internal forum solution.
As to your husband — He and his first wife were both non-Catholic and therefore it would seem that theirs was and is a perfectly valid marriage, unless and until he proves that it was invalid by way of a Declaration of Nullity, commonly known as an annulment.
The process involves contacting the other party to the Marriage; however, he personally will have no contact with her. Rather, the Tribunal will contact her.
- Does that make any difference to him?
Perhaps not, but it would be completely unfair to her to make a judgment on her marriage without allowing her to speak. I would encourage your husband to rethink his decision to not take part based upon his discomfort. If he wants to be a practicing Catholic, he must learn that sacrifice and discomfort sometimes come with it. Remember, it is through the Cross that we are saved.
You said:
It makes no sense to me to end a 30-year marriage in order for me to be forgiven by my Church.
This is not something that is in the realm of forgiven, rather it is just a fact. You married someone outside of the Church and 30 years ago this same process was open to your husband and, if you did it then, you would have had 29 years of being reconciled with the Church. Of course, back then you would have needed one too, because your ex-husband was still alive.
The Catholic Church takes the marital vow very seriously — whether it be Catholics or
non-Catholics that are married. I would encourage you to give the process a shot. You are only 71 and 68 and you have many more years to live. Before you go church shopping think about trying to do this correctly.
An additional question I have that you did not provide information was whether your husband is a baptized Christian.
If he is not baptized, there may be more options available to you.
I hope this is helpful.
Fr. Jonathan
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