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Duggy Lou wrote:

Hi, guys —

I recently married my Catholic sweetheart. I love her dearly however I'm non-Catholic.

She recently approached me about converting but I politely refused. She seemed very upset as if she wanted me to join but her dreams were just crushed. She then told me she was worried that God may bring a big challenge to my life, perhaps even to our relationship.

I'm 100% committed to our marriage no matter what! I was saddened that she would even entertain the idea of being unfaithful to me and our relationship.

  • What is going through her mind because I want to understand her?
  • Also, can we be happy as a mixed marriage couple?

Duggy

  { What is going through her mind and can we be happy as a married mixed couple? }

Mike replied:

Dear Duggy,

Thanks for the question.

We can't speak for what your wife meant but a critical part of married life, and courtship for that matter, is being honest and open with your spouse or date. Ask her what she meant. I sense you are interpreting what she said the wrong way.

Let me share with you what the Catechism says on this issue below and note what I have highlighted. I'm guessing the issue that is on her mind deals with the type of Christian values your children will be raised with.

When there is a difference of faith between two spouses who strongly believe in their faith, it can be a struggle, because the issue of how they raise their children has not been addressed. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) states, it's even more of a struggle when a Catholic marries a non-Christian, someone who has not been baptized. The baptismal grace isn't there working for one spouse.

I can't tell you what's on her mind. You have to ask her and should have enough of an open relationship with her to do so. Just politely ask for a clarification. (It probably has to do with the children and weekly Church attendance.)

On another issue:

One of the most important things the Catholic Church values is each individual's free will to believe as he or she wishes. If she is asking you to become Catholic it's only because she wants what is best for you. Jesus only established one Church on St. Peter and his successors; all the other denominations are man-made.

Nevertheless, your wife has to respect and honor your right to believe as you wish. Catholics don't think like [practicing or extreme] Muslims. We don't force people into the Church, nor do we kill them if they leave, as [practicing or extreme] Muslims do.

You didn't say in your question whether you are a Christian or not, so I have tried to give you an answer that covers the bases.

Get back to us if we missed something. Here are the relevant paragraphs from the Catechism:

Mixed marriages and disparity of cult

1633 In many countries the situation of a mixed marriage (marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic) often arises. It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors.

A case of marriage with disparity of cult (between a Catholic and a non-baptized person) requires even greater circumspection.

1634 Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise.

1635 According to the law in force in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for liceity the express permission of ecclesiastical authority.

In case of disparity of cult an express dispensation from this impediment is required for the validity of the marriage. (cf. Code of Canon Law, canon 1124, 1086) This permission or dispensation presupposes that both parties know and do not exclude the essential ends and properties of marriage; and furthermore that the Catholic party confirms the obligations, which have been made known to the non-Catholic party, of preserving his or her own faith and ensuring the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church. (cf. Code of Canon Law, canon 1125)

1636 Through ecumenical dialogue Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a common pastoral practice for mixed marriages. Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between the couple's obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them.

1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: "For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband." (1 Corinthians 7:14) It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this "consecration" should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith. (cf. 1 Corinthians 7:16) Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.

Mike

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