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Lisa Flossmanne wrote:

Hi, guys —

I am Catholic, and I obviously believe In God and love Him. These are questions I am too scared to ask either my Church or parents.

Recently, I have begun to wonder about homosexuality.

  • I believe it is wrong.
  • I do not believe in gay marriage, that's just weird, and
  • I do not think gay couples should have children for the sake of that child.

I have read passages In the Bible that say it is wrong but, I do not understand why it is so terrible and disgusting.

  • I know man was made for woman, and woman for man, but if someone is in love, how is that wrong?
  • How can they fix it?

A friend confided in me that she is bisexual. She is a Christian, though I don't know what kind, and she hates herself for it. She hates how she likes girls and she prays to God to help and fix her.

  • What can she do?
  • Jesus says we are supposed to love and accept everyone right?
  • So what can she do if she can't like boys the way I do?

I don't want to see her forced into hiding it because she is in pain.

  • Is homosexuality really that awful?

I don't think it is, but that's why I'm asking.


  { Is homosexuality really that bad and what does my girlfriend do if she's hooked to this lifestyle? }

Mike replied:

Hi Lisa,

Thanks for the question.

You said:
I have read passages In the Bible that say it is wrong but, I do not understand why it is so terrible and disgusting.

  • I know man was made for woman, and woman for man, but if someone is in love, how is that wrong?

I don't mean to sound condescending but the current culture you are growing up in, is far different then the culture of the first half of the twentieth century (from 1900-1960). This is why what is not disgusting to you, would be to earlier generations of Catholic Christians. It is a manifestation of the poor catechesis in our Church. The non-Catholic Christian just suffers the consequences of poorly catechized Catholics.

When you say:
but if someone is in love, how is that wrong?

There are an array of meanings behind the words "we are in love" in today's culture.

The traditional meaning of these words for the Christian couple (one man and one woman) is:

physically signified in the conjugal embrace and has two purposes:

  • for babies, and
  • for bonding

    It is a reflection of the Trinitarian Life and, for the Catholic Christian, is solidified in the Sacrament of Matrimony. Think of the sacramental bond of Matrimony as the crazy glue that keeps the Christian couple together until death.

    Without God's promising to help and assist the couple throughout their marriage, a
    life-long commitment until death can be much harder to make. I believe this is why the divorce rate in the United States is so high. Poorly catechized parents are viewing the sacrament of Matrimony as an option rather than a great grace and covenant oath by God to bond their sons or daughters with their future marital prospect.

    In the same way the Holy Spirit proceeds from, both, the Eternal Father and His Incarnate Son, Jesus; the sons and daughters, the physical fruit of the couple's love, proceed from the conjugal embrace of a husband and wife, after they are married.

    For this reason the Christian family, like the Trinity Itself, is Trinitarian. This is how centuries after centuries of Catholic Christians have build and expanded the Church Jesus founded on St. Peter and his successors to what it is today. Catholic Christian marriage is key to the success of our future society. Without it we have no society and elderly people have no one to care for them. For some reason, elderly liberals don't see this.

    Because Marriage is a Catholic term and a sacrament with Trinitarian love involved between a husband and wife, it would be incorrect to call any long term relationship between two people of the same sex with a same-sex attraction to each other as being married.

    • Why?

    Because there is no Trinitarian love physically possible between the two people of the same sex. Even if the Supreme Court comes out as declares that gay marriage is legal, it is not, because the word, Marriage, comes from the Catholic Church, not the Supreme Court.


  • in Genesis told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiple and
  • in Matthew to preach the Word and baptize all nations.

This is a life-time commitment where the couple willingly sacrifices each others lives for the other through sickness and until death — their love and sacrifice is publicly manifested in their children.

Another meaning of "we are in love" in today's culture, though it is rarely said this way, is:

As two [men|women], we love the way each other makes the other feel. Unlike Christian marriage, their is no Trinitarian love in any homosexual friendship that brings forth new life. It's all about selfish pleasure among two or more homosexual people. Talk to any family medical doctor worth 2 cents and they'll tell you about the:

  • biological, and
  • physiological complementarity of a man with a woman

Homosexual and free love organizations want to deny this. In doing so, they are denying their own nature and the God-given designs in which they were created by Him. Even if there is sacrifice among homosexual friends, there is still no
life-giving, Trinitarian love possible.

My sister-in-law will try to convince me that she is pro-life because she works very hard to elect those who will stop abortion or at least reduce its frequency but she also thinks we should just leave gay people alone and let them do their own thing. For that reason, I consider here partially-pro-life. The truly pro-life Catholic will:

  • strive to eliminate abortion
  • respect all life from conception until natural death, and
  • encourage those caught in a homosexual lifestyle to leave and find a spouse with which they can be co-creator's with God of immortal, new life.
You said:
  • How can they fix it?

A friend confided in me that she is bisexual. She is a Christian, though I don't know what kind, and she hates herself for it. She hates how she likes girls and she prays to God to help and fix her.

  • What can she do?

There are two approaches that should be followed together:

  • the spiritual, and
  • the practical

On the spiritual side:

It is important for the Catholic to live the sacramental life of the Church.
This includes renewing ones covenant with the Lord every Sunday at Mass and going to Confession on a regular basis. The bishops recommend a minimum of going once a month, though many go weekly. Having a daily prayer life is also important. I prefer the Rosary.

For the non-Catholic, or non-Catholic Christian, tell her to pray on a daily basis, in whatever way she prays, and ask God to give her guidance.

On the practical side:

From my personal view, homosexuality is a learned, cultural behavior. I doubt it has anything to do with anyone's genes. For that reason, any homosexual man or woman reading this posting who wishes change their way of life, will want to find a way to adjust their lifestyle. This can be hard though, especially within a college or university environment. It may involve:

  • a change in living quarters and/or
  • where one practices regular health, hygiene, and exercise

The Church strives to help and understand those with same-sex dispositions. It is not only addressed in the Catechism of the Catholic Church

but there are also several apostolic letters on homosexuality that many may find helpful.

In addition there is a specific Catholic apostolate for both homosexual men and women at:

Here is a world-wide listing if Courage chapters. Just choose the appropriate button on the left hand side of this page:

As some of my colleagues have stated in similar questions, and Mary Beth Bonacci says in her article:

The Dangers of Homosexuality

We have to start with a very important distinction. There is a difference between having a homosexual orientation and engaging in homosexual activity. Having a homosexual orientation just means that a person is sexually attracted primarily to people of their own sex. It is not something they choose, but rather something that has happened to them. Homosexual activity, on the other hand, means actually doing sexual things with someone of the same sex.

The Church is not, repeat not, against people who have this orientation, or any other people. Remember that everyone is created in the image and likeness of God, and that He is madly in love with every single person He created. That includes all people who have a homosexual orientation. The Church is Christ's presence on earth. Our job, then, is the same; to love each and every person with the all-encompassing love of Christ. No exceptions.

You said:

  • Jesus says we are supposed to love and accept everyone right?

Yes!, We should truly love everyone by striving to provide what is best for them and their eternal salvation, but remember, our earthly journey is just the first part of the story, the second part consist in our particular judgment and eternity, in one of two places.

  • Should I accept the behavior of someone who goes around killing people because it makes them feel good?
  • Should I accept the behavior of someone who is shoplifting at malls every day of the week because they like what they are stealing?

When Jesus says we are to love and accept every one, He means to accept them as we would:

  • the stranger we don't know
  • the sidewalk beggar or
  • those less fortunate strangers, like those in the New Orleans and New Jersey area who have been devastated by hurricanes Katrina and Sandy.

He did not imply that we should always necessarily accept their behavior.

I hope this helps,


Paul replied:

Dear Lisa,

I would concur with virtually everything Mike wrote. I'd just like to add two more cents on the questions of:

  1. the moral worth of homosexual acts
  2. whether or not its disgusting, and
  3. the meaning of love

Regarding disgust, this is a natural emotional reaction to something done that violates our nature. For example, seeing someone gouging out their eyes, or someone eating feces, would rightly elicit disgust in most people. However, if these two practices became more and more common in one's culture, and taught as being normal and natural by peers and school systems, slowly people would become desensitized to these practices and no longer have this natural reaction against them. This is what has happened in our society since the sexual revolution regarding unnatural sex acts — including:

  • homosexual acts
  • masturbation
  • completed heterosexual sodomy, and even
  • fornication which is sex with someone that is not one's spouse.

All these acts, once seen as revolting and rightly eliciting disgust, society has become desensitized to, especially since the pornography revolution has taken root and the devil has found yet another way to destroy souls.

The meaning of love and the morality of homosexual acts are tied together. The expression of love has an objective component. In other words, one cannot whack someone over the head with a baseball bat and call it love — even if one's partner asks for it and desires it. Homosexual acts, too, are unnatural and objectively abusive, even if one or both partners seek it. It violates our human nature as God has designed us, for the purposes of permanent union and potential babies. It is made for male-female life-giving permanent intimacy. Disordered desires, whether they be homosexual or any others, should not be acted upon, — for choosing to do so would be morally wrong.

People that have attractions and desires for people of the same sex are not disgusting. They are like everyone else, for we all have had disordered desires of some kind that we struggle with through life. It's part of our post-Eden fallen condition. We are talking about acts here, not persons.

As Mike mentioned, you may tell your friend that organizations like with regular reception of the sacraments of Confession and Eucharist is what is called for:

  • to overcome the problem, and
  • love as we are made to love.



Lisa replied:

Thank you.

This has helped a lot! I understand things more clearly. : )

For Sure!


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