Dear Looking —

Thanks for the question.

I'm very sorry for the abuse you had to put up with at the hands of your husband. It's important for you to remember that the Lord is with us always, even during our trails and crosses.

Remember, he was a man like us in all things, but sin. (That's an awesome thing to meditate on.) That means he understands our desires, worldly and otherwise, and understands our frustrations. He will always be with you! as promised in the Scriptures.

He is the ultimate judge and will deal with your husband justly.

I would encourage you to keep living the sacramental life of the Church by receiving the Eucharist and by going to the sacrament of Confession on a regular basis. These two sacraments along with a daily prayer life will make you stronger.

You said:
I feel that I have been abandoned by both the Church and my husband as well.

You didn't explain why, but I assume you have a desire to remarry.

• Can you elaborate on this for us?

Mike

Dear Looking —

When it comes to morality and marriage it is not the Church that dictates what is right and wrong, it is God. The Church only follows what God has revealed in matters of faith and morals. So understand that the Church is not free to say some of the things you want her to say. It comes from God through Christ.

You are correct in pointing out that Catholics are imperfect, and that imperfect things occur inside and outside the Church. Although the Church is God's, sin has not been eradicated from the world and won't fully be until the Second Coming of Jesus. In the meantime, we confess our sins in Confession. Other people's sins, even hypocrisy, should not get in the way of our loving God through His Church that He established for the sake of our salvation.

You are in a difficult situation of which there seems to have been an injustice done to you. However, like Christ Himself communicated, a valid marriage is indissoluble. The person that knowingly ignores this truth puts his own salvation in grave danger.

Please see your parish priest about the possibility of an annulment. There's a chance that the man you married was not willing or able to keep his vows, which could be the cause of a declaration of nullity allowing for you to marry in the Church if you are led that way.

Thank you for carrying this cross. No sacrifice goes unnoticed by our Lord, and each one enables grace to flow through the body of Christ (the Church) for the benefit of all her members.

Peace,

Paul

Dear Looking —

Apart from your marital situation, most of the complaints you mentioned in your original e-mail come down to a shortage of priests we have in the Church and lack of people in the Church praying for new, holy vocations to the priesthood.

Whether the issue deals with having extraordinary ministers of the Eucharist at Mass instead of a priest or a lay person presiding at the grave instead of a priest, if we are not praying for new, holy vocations to the priesthood we have no one to blame but ourselves.

• Have you been praying for new vocations to the priesthood?
  

On the hypocrisy issue:

You have to separate bad, Judas behavior from teachings that never change. You can't glue the bad behavior of a priest or lay person with Church teachings. Every Christian church has hypocrites; we are a Church of sinners and saints. That's why Our Lord gave us the sacrament of Confession.

The Catholic Church is a truth-telling Church, not a social culture club that changes with the times. The truth may be uncomfortable for us to hear, but it is for our own well being, both physically and spiritually.

As my colleague Paul suggested, I would make an appointment with the local parish priest and talk to him about how to proceed with an annulment. While you are there, ask him what ministries the parish offers. This would be a great way for you to meet new people!

You said:
When you are making arrangements and you tell the funeral director you want a Mass, the next thing you know, your talking to a priest and he's telling you how much it will cost. The Church charges for Mass and if you do not pay, you do not get a Mass or a priest or person, etc.

But in my case, I am be affected by the action of another person, so if I were in a store standing with someone I know wants to steal, because I am with them not knowing what they have done, but get caught, I am just as guilty, which is not true!

The Church doesn't charge for Mass, except possibly for an optional stipend, which no priest is going to make a living on.

If the Mass is in the context of a wedding, and the couple wants it to be a memorable occasion, so someone has to provide just compensation for those who make the wedding memorable, for the singers, music, etc.

If you went into the marriage with the intent of meeting the purposes of marriage, you will not be "guilty". This is why you should make an appointment with your pastor.

Don't let the heavy cross you are currently bearing effect your objectivity.

You said:
There are people in church receiving Communion when they were married, divorce to a non-Catholic and re-married again to another non-Catholic who is divorced and both of them receive Communion on Sunday.

I'm not quite sure of the point you are making but just because people are receiving Communion, who shouldn't, doesn't mean what they are doing is right.

We should always be focused on our own spiritual growth and well being. After we pass from this life, our particular judgment will be between us and the Lord, (no one else).

I hope both Paul's and my reply have helped to answer your question a bit.

Mike