Hi, guys —

• Would I be allowed to take RCIA classes, be baptized, etc. regardless of what my husband personally believes or does?

I won't bother trying unless, and until, I know he won't oppose it because there's no point in beginning RCIA classes if it would be an obstacle to a happy marriage. Children won't be an issue because the children we have were born and raised before I ever thought of becoming Catholic and we are unlikely to have any more, because I am 38 and my husband is planning to get a vasectomy in the next year or two. Marital status wouldn't be an issue because this the first marriage for both of us and I now understand that our marriage is valid, even if it isn't sacramental.

• Would I ever be either:
  • forbidden to receive the sacraments or
  • be refused absolution during Confession because of the non-Christian status of my husband?

I can't imagine how my husband's marital status would affect my ability to participate fully in Church life, since, in my case, neither marital status nor children are an issue. That said, I have read stories of such things happening, hence my questions.

Let me give you some background information:

I am a convert to Judaism who lost her faith while living in Israel but continued generally to seek out faith. When I first visited your church in September (on a weekday), Constance suggested that my agnostic, deist husband may not see my exploring of Catholicism as a bad thing, if I just, now and then, went to inquiry sessions. Unfortunately, at the time he was still very sensitive (in a negative way) to any organized religion, so up to now, I put the thought away.

A few weeks ago, after considering the possibility of the existence of God, and the arguments:

• from First Cause and
• from Desire

I decided that I did believe in God. So, now what? Well, for a variety of reasons, I am still more strongly drawn to the Catholic Church than any other but when I got the nerve to ask my husband if he would be upset if I explored religion and joined another one, he took a deep breath and said,

"I just hope you don't become Roman Catholic."

Oh, darn it!

• That would appear to shoot down any possibility of becoming Catholic, right?

Well, not necessarily, because for him to say he doesn't mind if I explore and join another religion is definitely a progression from saying, religion is bad for both of us — so I can see a possibility of his opinion becoming more flexible about which denomination he would feel comfortable joining with me, especially if I can bring up aspects of Catholicism that wouldn't offend him in anyway, like social justice and human dignity issues. I don't want to scare him though, so this may take a while; perhaps in a year or so. I will start going to church. Besides, I still haven't gotten much past:

"I believe in God."

I plan on going to a variety of churches for a while (perhaps for another year), so he can see I have explored all my local church options and have a legitimate basis for forming an opinion on the matter.

That is how things stand right now.

Yael