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Amy,
One more thought to maybe help you understand the rationale for the abstinence.
Even though the sacrament of Marriage is actually ministered to each other, it is not the priest who marries you, there is an important role the Church plays in the sacrament. Because the union is a sacrament, the Church witnesses and supports the union in the context of the community so as to mark its character as outwardly oriented. In essence, you are not married for simply your own sakes but for the good of all the Church and the world.
Secondly, if you were to conceive — and all acts of consummation should be open to life — that could bring scandal to others, much the same way that cohabitation does.
- Could you imagine being pregnant at your second wedding?
Embarrassing to say the least.
So, in the end, though you do marry each other, you need to keep the sacrament in the context of the community which Christ Himself established, so as to celebrate and strengthen your sacred bond.
Your patience will not go unrewarded. It may be difficult, but it will be so worth the wait.
Then you'll have a story to tell your children when they question you about sex outside of marriage . . . or any talk on sex. You can witness to them in a powerful way, as well as to other adults. Those are precisely the kind of qualities that Christ wants our marriages to shine forth with: goodness and virtue.
Peace,
Bob Kirby
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