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Kat F. wrote:

Hi, guys —

I know that if we go to Heaven, we will be in perfect happiness, but there's something I keep wondering about:

  • What happens if we get to Heaven and find out that some of our loved ones were damned?

It seems like that would put a really damper on perfect happiness.

  • Is there any explanation for this?

Kat F.

  { How can Heaven be Heaven if we find out that some of our loved ones were damned? }

Bob replied:


While there is no official doctrine on the question you asked, it is something we all wonder about.

I have found solace in the idea that a woman, regarded as a true mystic, shared on a retreat.
She said we simply won't remember them. While that may seem disheartening at first, it makes sense.

Heaven will not have us carry burdens that would mitigate the joy we experience in God's grace. Your brain and your soul are not the same thing, and after we have been purified, the less-than-good will no longer be in the brain. That's what helps me but it is certainly not dogmatic.

I hope my colleagues add their thoughts.


Bob Kirby

Mike replied:

Hi Kat,

In addition to Bob's reply, it's important to remember, one of the greatest gifts the Lord has given us, can also be the most damning:

  • Free will

You said:

What happens if we get to Heaven and find out that some of our loved ones were damned?

Our Lord states in the Scriptures:

37 He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.

Matthew 10:37

St. Therese of Avila also tells us There is no love in Hell and while the statements of saints are not infallible statements, I think she makes a good point. If I find out any of my family member were damned, while I would be saddened, I know that my Creator respected their free will to make damnable choices.

I can't reconcile the saddened feeling I would have with the pure joy Heaven is, but . . . I am only human : )

That's the best I can do.


Paul replied:

Hi, Kat —

To add my two cents, if we love God more than people then we will eternally rejoice that God's justice has been accomplished.

Our attachment to created beings, which include family and friends, will be lessened in Heaven when our hearts are fully attached to God. His will, then, will be our delight; and His will includes respecting the free will decisions of all people including our loved ones.


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