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Torn Terry
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Hi, guys —
I am not Catholic but I fell in love with a Catholic woman. I am single but she is married. She married in the Church but has committed adultery with me and we truly feel that we are meant to be together.
I'm a Christian and believe in God, but in my view, I feel one can get a divorce and remarry and still go to Heaven. Although I know she truly feels like I am meant to be with her but we had to end the affair because, as a Catholic, she cannot remarry, or be with another man, because she will not go to Heaven. We do not believe she would qualify for an annulment. Since the affair ended, she has confessed at Church and feels good about her faith, but we both feel our love is immeasurable and we would have the most amazing love together.
In the eyes of the Catholic Church, is there any way that she could:
- divorce her husband
- live a life with me, and
- still feel that she is right with the Church and will go to Heaven?
I am so torn because, in my non-Catholic views, I feel that God would want her and I to be the happiest we can be and we both know that would be for us to be together.
I am stuck with feeling that she would not go to Heaven because, at the time she married someone else, who she thought was her match, it was not true love. She now realizes what true love is and I just can't imagine a God that, would not want us to be honest with our hearts, be together, and would want us both to go Heaven.
Torn Terry
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Is there any way she can divorce her husband, live with me, and still feel right with the Church? }
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Bob replied:
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Terry,
I'm sorry if I missed someone's else answer to this, but here is my two cents anyway.
The answer is No. Jesus was clear about one who divorces their spouse to marry another, it is adultery (cf. Mark 10:11). Adultery is a mortal sin (cf. 1 John 5:16-17, 1 Corinthians 6:9) and, if not repented of, surely will bring about damnation.
If you do truly love her, you will not become an occasion of sin for her and thereby you will move on with your life so she can move on with hers. Christianity involves a cross, it is never the one we choose, but the one we are handed.
Take courage for God will lead you in the right way, but you must surrender yourself to His Will. Don't press this or you will be making God your enemy and satan your friend; he (satan) is the destroyer of families.
Peace,
Bob Kirby
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Mike replied:
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Dear Terry,
In addition to Bob's fine reply, I wanted to pitch in my two cents.
You said:
Since the affair ended she has confessed at church and feels good about her faith.
If you are truly a Christian, you should know that marriage is a lifetime commitment. Based on what your have said about your friend, it tells me she is at least striving to be faithful to her marriage vows. As Christians, we cannot forget the spiritual realm involved during our Earthly pilgrimages . . . with the demonic trying to place immoral thoughts or ideas on our minds on a regular basis.
Living out a lifetime commitment is not easy, especially in this culture, and because you are being an occasion of serious sin for her, it is only making her marital commitment harder to live out with her husband, even if they are going through a temporary rough time.
You said:
I am so torn because, in my non-Catholic views, I feel that God would want her and I to be the happiest we can be and we both know that would be for us to be together.
I am stuck with feeling that she would not go to Heaven because, at the time she married someone else, who she thought was her match, it was not true love. She now realizes what true love is . . .
As a Christian, if you truly want the best for her and want to ensure she goes to Heaven:
- Do you think tempting her to break her lifetime marital commitment is the best way to ensure she goes to Heaven?
Marriage is one of the seven sacraments and the sacramental grace couples receive in a Catholic marriage is like the Krazy Glue that, despite its rough times, keeps the marriage together.
That said, this sacramental grace is not something magical but something both couples still have to work at, giving 100% of their lives to each other. The grace helps and assists the couple during tough times.
As Bob said, Don't press this.
Building Catholic families is hard enough in this culture without throwing an enticer in the mix.
- Suggest to your friend that she pray the Rosary with her husband on a daily basis.
- End the relationship, and
- Stop seeing her. Period!
As a side note: I reject any assumptions of what you think, she thinks, or of what you think, her husband thinks, that I saw in your e-mail. You are looking at your current situation in a selfish way because you have brought this friendship farther than you should have.
You said:
. . . and I just can't imagine a God that, would not want us to be honest with our hearts, be together, and would want us both to go Heaven.
Be realistic Terry!
- Do you seriously think any marriage from start to finish will always be one of perfect happiness and marital bliss?
Mike
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