Thanks for the questions.
This is a really tough situation.
I think the fundamental issue of his annulment is the question that needs resolving. Marrying outside the church for any Catholic is a sin, so you are really stuck. It is almost like Christ is putting it to you, who are you going to choose, him or Me?
That could be exactly what is happening so maybe you need to pass that ultimatum along to your fiancé and throw down the gauntlet:
If I am to marry you, it must be in the Catholic Church, and if you are not willing to do that, then I can't marry you.
Tell him it is a matter of conscience as a Catholic, and being obedient to God comes first. It is clear that a lot of evil men infiltrated the priesthood and hurt a lot of people (and he was such a victim), but that doesn't speak to all the faithful, both laity and ordained, who belong to the community to which you have been called. This is the Church Christ created, and Judas' have been here since the beginning. Your fiancé doesn't have to have a life in the Church alongside you, but you need to have the marriage sanctioned by the Church so you know Christ blesses this union. The alternative is adultery, and a betrayal of Christ. I don't see a middle road.
Think about it from this point of view: there is no cheap grace. Sainthood is costly. Christ never promised an easy cross, and you must carry one as every Christian does. Fundamentally, you need to know whether God desires you to be in this marriage or not. If God desires it, He could help your fiancé come around, but if not, he won't move.
The issue of his healing may seem like it belongs to you, but ultimately that is not your job, it is Christ's. You can pray for him (even if you end up moving on), but you cannot heal him so I would leave that part of the equation aside as an unfortunate obstacle but not a decisive factor in this impasse.
Putting aside the emotion of this, there are some factors that can make dissolving this easier if necessary:
- you have no children together
- your relationship started when you did not know God and therefore it was not built on God
- you have already proven that you can go without sexual intimacy because you value being true to God more than your own desire.
Love is complicated — that is why the Cross is our symbol of True Love: ironic, painful, but glorious too, for a Heavenly crown awaits.
I know this is frightening and devastating to go through, and feeling alone only makes that worse.
I would hope that you could find a good priest for counsel and maybe get your fiancé to some counseling as well. There maybe other advice that a good priest would give, but at the very least, I will be praying my Rosary for you and your fiancé.