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Dear Ruslan,
We have this kind of question all the time. (You can search our database for more ideas too.) You are not alone, it is a big problem for young men especially these days; even women are struggling with this. The problem is diabolical in nature.
There are several steps for you to make to defeat this problem; you have done the first: reaching out for help.
The second is acknowledging that you are fully addicted — you may not have fully realized that yet, so just let that sink in. In effect, you have sold yourself into slavery; your biology didn't do that, you did. Now you have to see that the slave master is satan. That is right, your master in this evil is satan, and every time you pleasure yourself you are offering him a little tribute.
- How does that sound to you?
- Shocking, right?
In your soul you want to deny it, but this is the disturbing truth you need to see. You have to come to a full realization, not only how revolting porn is, (don't imagine porn doesn't hurt people — it enslaves innocent young children, creates sex trafficking, prostitution, snuff films, homo-erotic sex, and far worse), but the very act is an act of sacrifice to satan, who is the founder of this evil plague and trap, and he is using it to drag souls by the thousands into Hell.
Our Lady of Fatima (the most important Marian apparition of all time) told the children that most people go to Hell because of sins of the flesh. (Look it up if you doubt me). It is a very effective and efficient snare, because we are all naturally wired to enjoy sex, and we love to tell ourselves lies to rationalize sin.
So, after realization of the very serious nature of this addiction you should become angry. Angry at the deceiver, and for having been deceived. That is the kind of righteous anger that is needed to put on the armor to go to war and do spiritual battle, because that is the battle you must fight. You must become a warrior if you are to achieve victory. Once you have become freed, then you will need to help free others.
Here is the battle plan:
- Renounce all porn, masturbation and fornication as snares of the devil
- Go to Confession every two weeks, or sooner if you fall
- Stay in the state of Grace in every respect (and do an examination of conscience each day); don't let other vices or sins take its place (like a smoker who starts over eating)
- Pray every day — pray the Rosary especially, daily, pray for others who suffer worse — how about a same-sex attracted person who self-loathes because they feel stuck
- Do some homework. Understand the changes that happen in the human brain and body chemistry that are associated with (porn) addiction — it is very real.
| Very much like a traditional drug addict, you are addicted to chemical releases in your brain. Also, your sperm production is out of balance, and like women who have menstrual cycles, you have a sperm production cycle, which high now it really ramped up. But unlike females, you can help regulate yours. If you are currently masturbating once or more every day your period of detox will take longer and will likely be uncomfortable for a while, but you can get through it. Watch what happens to your body when you deny it sexual release. You will probably have sexual dreams and a wet dream. Maybe you will eliminate sperm after you urinate essentially an anorgasmic ejaculation. The bottom line is that your body will make adjustments when you stop feeding the appetite and it will produce less sperm, thereby making the craving much more bearable. Eventually, it will be in balance and you will be free from slavery. |
- If you fail to keep yourself away from websites voluntarily, you will need to install control software on your devices (like (Covenant Eyes or Pure Desire) in order to prevent yourself from easy access to porn. Think of it like checking yourself into a rehab facility that makes you pee in a cup everyday and attend group sessions. The price of freedom is high when you are an addict. Remember Jesus said, if your eye cause you to sin, pluck it out, better to go into eternal life with one eye than to be thrown into Gehenna with two eyes. (Matthew 5:29, Matthew 18:9) God doesn't take excuses when you stand before Him on judgement day, he expects a no-excuse, no-prisoners approach to getting sin out of your life. And He also promised what is impossible for man is possible for God, so call on His Help everyday. (I find that even non-porn sites are snares and can lead you down that road, so stay away from social media or anything you find is a typical trigger of your sexual inclinations.)
- Fast. You need to develop the ability to resist your appetite. Your sexual appetite is out of control, because your chastity muscles are weak. (Strong vice, weak virtue) You need to hit the spiritual gym and do some reps. That means fasting every week, bread and water is best, but do something hard core. Offer it up for someone who's struggle is worse than yours, like some child who has been trafficked out of South America to the U.S.A. for sex — a child who has no help, no freedom, and no escape. Think of yourself in wartime. It is hard, but you will become a Man; the kind of hero a real woman wants to take care of along with her future family. If you want God to bless you with a good wife someday, become the man that she deserves — not the guy who sits in front of a computer and lets other woman please him sexually.
- Read Scripture. Put content in your brain that counteracts all the poison you have ingested. You have images in there: memories and all sorts of things that need to be replaced with Holy thoughts, blessed memories and good things. Do a few minutes at least everyday.
- If you have a failure, pick yourself up and start again. No war is won without a few lost battles, but as victory approaches you can see the tide changing and the enemy's defeat will be immanent.
- Lastly, if you do find yourself failing and not making substantial process, at some not too distant point in the future, get an accountability partner. In AA, recovered alcoholics have a sponsor to help them stay accountable, offer advice, support and have compassion when they are struggling. This kind of addiction can often require the same measures, so keep that in the back of your mind if things don't go well on your own.
The goal has to be freedom, whatever it takes. Enlisting one on one help can be the trick.
I'll be praying for you.
Peace,
Bob Kirby
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