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Sandra Thomason wrote:

Hi, guys —

I am having a hard time remaining Catholic because of the hate Catholics show the LGBTQ community. I went to Catholic school growing up, went to Sunday Mass every week, my kids were going to Catholic school but suddenly the Church has taken on some mission to tell kids that to be anything other than heterosexual is eternal damnation.

I am heterosexual, married, with children but I have a nephew and a niece that are in the LGBTQ community, and I fully support them. I do not believe it is a "choice". God made them this way. No one would choose to have a harder life by choosing to be gay. God made them that way.

The Church would rather they live lives in the closet or alone forever than be their true self, which would eventually lead to depression and often suicide — which the Church also once thought led to eternal damnation. I have read all the Bible quotes on "homosexuality" but if you really read into the quotes, most refer to prostitution — men that were prostituting themselves to men and women. Then there are hundreds of "laws" in the Bible that are not followed any longer:

  • divorce is accepted (because the Church accepts annulments)
  • women are forced to marry the brothers of their husbands after they pass away
  • we don't have to make sacrifices
  • we don't leave part of our field for the poor
  • we can eat meat that is slightly pink
  • we can eat "unclean" animals
  • a raped woman does not have to marry her rapist . . .

I could go on and on and on.

  • So why are we so bent on saying being part of the LGBTQ community is a sin?

People are disowning their family because of how the Church is guiding them on this issue.

  • Jesus never taught us to hate and judge, so please explain to be why the Church fuels the hate of the LGBTQ community instead of guiding Catholics to live like Jesus?

I am not exaggerating either. At my daughter's Confirmation, Bishop Walker warned the children not to be homosexual or accept homosexuality in their life. He took an important and special event and turned it in to a hate rally.

This world doesn't need more hate!!

  { Why does the Church fuel a hatred of the LGBTQ community instead of guiding Catholics to live like Jesus? }

Eric replied:

Dear Sandra,

Let's define our terms. You used the term "hate".  That is a loaded, and frankly rather judgmental, term.

  • It's a popular term to beat the Catholic Church with on this issue, but what do you mean by it, and are you using it consistently?

Here are the facts. The Catholic Church believes that any sexual act that is not, of its nature, life-giving is gravely immoral. As a consequence of this, oral and anal sex, whether between men or between women or between a man and a woman, are considered gravely immoral and, if you commit them deliberately, with full knowledge, and with full consent, you separate yourself from God's grace and, if you do not repent before you die, you die eternally separated from God.

The implication of this is that homosexual sex is fundamentally, gravely immoral and cannot be made moral. (We do not believe that those who have a homosexual orientation, but do not have sex, are likewise separated from God.)

This also means that users of artificial contraception fall under the same sentence.

Moreover, we believe that sex between people who are not married to each other is also gravely sinful.

Yet, oddly, no one accuses us of

  • "hating" contracepting couples, or
  • "hating" couples who live together, or
  • "hating" married couples who engage in oral or anal sex.

The fact is, we are simply announcing what God has revealed in His Love for us, and what will ultimately make us happy. (Yes, rejecting homosexual behavior ultimately makes us happier.)

We don't "hate" anyone. You may not agree with our conclusions, but that doesn't mean that we "hate" you, any more than it means that you "hate" us. That is a very serious, and gravely unfair, characterization.

  • How would you feel if someone claimed you "hated" them because you wanted them to be happy but they disagreed with your approach to happiness?
  • Would you think they were acting in a Christ-like fashion?
  • Did Jesus accuse anyone, especially those with good intentions, of "hating"?
  • But why do we believe God has revealed that homosexual behavior is immoral?

Simply put, it is because it is what we have always believed, not just since the time of Christ, but since time immemorial. It's a part of Sacred Tradition. I won't go into your attempts to refute the Bible as you seem quite convinced that you are correct. if you're truly open, you can ask genuine questions and we can discuss it, but ultimately, we believe, what we believe, because of Sacred Tradition, not because of biblical argumentation.

Side note: For thousands of years, every society thought that homosexual behavior was immoral. Now, in the last twenty or thirty, it's completely turned around in certain countries.

  • Doesn't that strike you as a least bit odd?
  • Why is it part of Sacred Tradition?

Because, while this may come as a surprise to many, God has given us reproductive systems for -- wait for it — the purpose of reproduction, which sodomy (that is the term for how homosexuals have sex) — and contraception — thwart. Not merely for the purpose of reproduction, but as we like to say, for babies and for bonding.

Human reproduction is sacred because it is a sign of God's love for us and the covenant God made for us. It's an icon of salvation, meant to communicate spiritual truths to us in a natural way. Thus we need to respect it and treat it the way that God designed it. Ultimately, this will make us happier, even if it may not be immediately apparent to us now.

You say,

"But God made them this way."

  • How do you know?

But -- even if you're right, consider people who are only sexually attracted to children. If what you say is true, then God made them that way, too.

Does that mean that we should give them free rein to satisfy their passions, especially if they protest that they will commit suicide if they are deprived of the pleasure they desire?

There are lots of people who appear to be born with inclinations that are harmful to society. That is no justification for endorsing their behavior.

You say,

"Jesus never taught us to hate and judge."

Yet he did tell us what was right and wrong and urged us to share that with others and tell the world. This is not hating and judging. Judging is when you claim to know the eternal fate (or subjective guilt, or intentions) of a specific person. The Catholic Church doesn't do this but it merely announces that certain behaviors, when done deliberately and knowingly, bring catastrophic results that gravely undermine our final happiness.

This is what the Catechism of the Catholic Church, the official teaching guide of the Church, says:

Chastity and homosexuality
2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God's will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.

  • Does that sound like "hatred"?

People have conflicting moral standards all the time, but do not accuse each other of "hating" simply because they have different moral standards. It is really counterproductive to employ such language. We should always presume the best intentions of those we disagree with.

In the final analysis, we do not teach that homosexual behavior is immoral because we "hate" people; quite the contrary, we do it because we love them and want them to be happy. You may disagree with our conclusions, that is your prerogative, but in accusing us of "hating", it comes across like you are judging our motives and hating us and I don't think you would want to do that.

If, in the end, you are convinced that I "hate" homosexuals because of what I've said, you call me a bald-faced liar, because I testify that my intentions are without malice.

I am not under the illusion that I can convince you to change your mind, but if you consider yourself a believer, I urge you to pray for the Holy Spirit's guidance in this question and truly and humbly open your heart to what he says to you. Ask him to enlighten you on the issue, to change your mind if you are wrong, and to help you understand.

If you hold hatred in your heart for the Church because of this, Jesus said to pray for your enemies, so pray for the Church, and pray daily. Channel your anger and frustration into prayer for us and for those you are convinced are hating.

And I don't mean do this once or twice; I mean really dedicate yourself to daily prayer for these enemies of yours.


Sandra replied:


The sad part of your response for me is I really hoped you would give me some hope in the Catholic Church but instead you sent me a extremely sarcastic e-mail.

I am 43 years old today.

  • I have gone to church every Sunday for 43 years.
  • I went to Catholic school.
  • I have been a Confirmation sponsor.
  • A Godparent to three kids.
  • A parent to 2 kids that are also Catholic.
  • I have a husband that converted to being Catholic because of my strong Catholic faith.
    (We never had pre-marital sex or used contraception.)
  • I participate in pro-life rallies —

but I still can't find in my heart a place to — I am trying to find a different word then "hate"maybe - judge, Bible beat, throw stones, — at homosexuals.

Your e-mail filled with sarcasm only shoved the wedge I feel between me and the Church I have loved deeper.


Bob replied:

Dear Sandra,

I'm sorry our initial response was not helpful. 

I think the use of the word "hate" has started a somewhat contentious exchange, and I'm sure that was not the intention.  What could be beneficial is to hear from a couple of really good Catholic priests who have done teachings on this, in a very charitable way.  First, Fr. Mike Schmitz is a great priest, loving, compassionate, and very good at explaining things.  Here is a YouTube search on him and the topic of homosexuality.  I'm sure you could find some videos in this search result that are helpful, because there are all different lengths for whatever amount of time you can devote.

Secondly, Fr. Chris Alar did a good talk on Theology of the Body, a topic near and dear to the heart of Pope John Paul II that may shed some light on the Church's teaching.  He definitely gets into some graphic points on sexual acts, but it is pretty informative, albeit not specifically focusing on homosexuality, but the total meaning of sexuality.

Lastly, the Church has published several important pastoral letters on the subject that should be read if you haven't already.  Probably the most notable is the 1986 letter (found on the Vatican website).

Part of the reason that this issue becomes so contentious is that the homosexual movement, as a political entity, is militantly attempting to indoctrinate children, and not merely normalize the group, but rather accentuate the LGBTQ+ lifestyle as a greater positive.  This has spawned a serious reaction from not only Catholics but concerned parents everywhere.  There is a culture war in full effect, so the issue is not simply benign, it has become heated.

I hope that you will give the Church more credit for being faithful to Christ, despite that fact that we often fail Him many times.  The truth on this matter is certain, and that is why St. Paul says so emphatically regarding homosexuality in 1 Corinthians 6:9,

"Don't be deceived . . . "

In the beginning of the letter to the Romans he also describes how the intellects of many will become darkened, because they turned away from God; that very much describes the culture today (Romans 1:18-32).

I have a family member who lives the life. I love them just the same, though I don't condone their acts.  I also have a very close friend, who is gay by orientation, but lives a fully chaste Catholic life, and we bond in a way that can hardly be expressed, because we share a faith that calls us higher than ourselves and our brokenness.  When I struggle with lust, I offer up my fight, sacrifices, prayers, and love for the sake of some hurting soul (same-sex attracted) and ask God to bring all these graces to him/her.  I ask to be united with a brother who needs a prayer partner to help him through.  I use my weakness to empathize and relate to the pain of those who long for something more but know it is a dead end. 

I am not alone in this effort.  Millions of Catholics offer prayers for our brothers and sisters who endure same sex attraction, and do it in union with Christ, so that we all might be with Him forever in His Paradise.  We all have a cross to carry, but we can help each other carry theirs, not by consenting to what is sinful, but by making sacrifices in love for the grace to overcome temptation and live in accord with God's design and law.

Don't give up on the Catholic faith, it truly is life.


Bob Kirby

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