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Hi, guys —
I am a 75-year-old male, married for 53 years. Our sex life has been, I believe I can speak for both of us, mutually satisfactory. As we aged, of course, our sex life did not cease but it has become less frequent.
For the past two years, or more, my wife has experienced female issues, and sex became more of a chore, sometimes uncomfortable. To be blunt, her uterus was falling, and it was a continual cause of any combination of pain, discomfort and embarrassment. We met jointly with a surgeon who explained the alternatives, the least invasive of which (and also providing the greatest chance of permanent success and quickest recovery) was vaginal closure. Of course, this meant intercourse would no longer be possible. She chose this; I supported her decision, and she was grateful of my support, which is ongoing.
Now, at no prompting from me, she has wondered if masturbation would be acceptable (by her, for me) in light of my continuing ability to perform (if I was only able!) and our inability to consummate the marriage act.
- So, our question is, given our situation, is masturbation acceptable, if performed by the other party?
Thanks for your help. You can imagine the difficulty of having this conversation with our pastor.
Anonymous Ed
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Bob replied:
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Dear Ed,
Sorry to have to tell you, but no, that is not an option. If it were an option for you, then there would be a whole host of others asking why not for them too. I could explain the morality, the theology, the rationale, but that doesn't change how difficult this may be. Some things just require courage, conviction and love to overcome.
The way forward won’t be easy, but it will be possible to make a new chapter of love for you and your wife if you allow God to work in these circumstances.
I'll pray for you both to love unreservedly and unconditionally despite the sacrifice.
Piece,
Bob Kirby |
Ed replied:
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Dear Bob,
Thanks for your response.
I was beginning to think my inquiry was written off as a joke. Glad it wasn't.
Sometimes I think this is harder for my wife than me. If this was 20 years ago I’m sure I would feel differently. We've been blessed and will endure.
Thanks again.
Ed |
Mike replied:
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Dear Ed,
While we welcome all questions to the site and we are glad you asked us, none of us on the AAC team are priests or marriage counselors. I don’t doubt Bob’s fine answer but would also recommend visiting the National Catholic Bioethics Center.
They have priests and laity who are trained to answer questions similar to your question(s).
You can find the appropriate link on their site where you can make a consultation.
Mike
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