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Anonymous Clay
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Hi, guys —
I’m soon to be married and will begin to have sex with my wife. We are both virgins and have no idea how it is going to go.
My question is that I have no idea what will be too much for me. I have no idea what will make me orgasm. What am I to do if, during foreplay, I feel an orgasm coming on, but we have not started intercourse yet and I have no way of stopping my orgasm.
- Are we supposed to change to get in position really quickly and try to penetrate?
We also don’t know if there will be any pain and I don’t want to aggressively penetrate her during our (first time/first few times) without knowing how it will feel for her.
- Are we to change positions really quickly? or
- Is our intention to have male climax during intercourse enough to “figure it out” for the first few times (and not have sinned)?
Anonymous Clay
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As a virgin couple to be married, Is our intention to have male climax during intercourse enough to “figure it out” for the first few times (without sinning? }
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Paul replied:
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Dear Clay,
Your question is not really about doctrine, but about prudence.
You know Church teaching on semination of the reproductive tract with each sexual relation.
You must be your own judge on when that will occur.
"Foreplay" is just another way of saying readying the body for the marital act of intercourse.
If you're worried about premature ejaculation, cut out some of the "foreplay". Do your best to respect natural law, and you should become more confident as time goes on.
Pray and love.
Pax,
Paul
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John replied:
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Hi, Clay —
The only thing I'd add to what Paul has said is that if an emission happens, unintentionally outside of intercourse, it’s not a sin. You did not intend it to happen.
Also, you mentioned the possibility of pain for your bride. It's common for a woman to experience pain her first time, in particular, if her hymen is intact. Sometimes the hymen can be broken by accident in a virgin, during certain vigorous sporting activities like horseback riding, falling awkwardly off a bicycle, and so forth.
But either way the woman maybe experience pain.
What is important is that she is sufficiently prepared before you begin intercourse. To that end, foreplay stimulation is more important for her sake.
But you'll figure it out together. I would recommend reading:
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.
John |
Mike replied:
Deear Clay —
As my colleague Paul said, "Your question is not really about doctrine, but about prudence.".
Although I believe in my colleagues and their backgrounds, none of them are marriage counselors.
I recommend talking to local, faithful pastors in your area about connecting with good husband/wife team marriage counselors, preferably with big families. Speaking as a single man, I would think they could provide the best advice.
Hope this helps,
Mike
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