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Hi, Rachel —
Although I'm single, let me take a shot at an answer.
First let me commend you and your husband on striving
to live as a Christian couple.
You appear to have a mature Catholic attitude on
the issue which is to be applauded.
You said:
So my question is...
If, after sex, a woman has not found her sexual release,
is it still considered a sin for her to be pleasured
to release?
I know that all acts of sex are to
end in an open to life way (i.e. vaginal), but is
it sinful for the woman to find release after her
husband has finished either from him or from herself?
I'd be interested in what my colleagues think,
because occasionally I get criticized for being too
harsh and too much "by the book".
I'm wavering between Yes and No but tend to think
this is not a sinful act.
Yes Justification: Because "your release" is
not part of being open to new life.
No Justification: Because the goal of you and your
husband copulating in bed is:
- to bond as husband and wife and
- to be open to new life.
In order to ensure any nuances aren't being missed,
I'd suggest you bring this to a local confessor known
for his faithfulness to the Church's teachings.
These issues/struggles are all part of our human
nature:
- due to the effects of original sin and
- due to the fact that a man was created for woman
and a woman was created for a man, so they would
bring forth new life in accordance with Christian
morals
Pleasure in our life has it's purpose but we have
to use it within the guidelines God has provided.
If we don't, we can get caught up in extreme and
addictive sexual activities that are hard to break.
(though Confession is always there for us.)
I want to share
two prayers with you. One I say after Confession.
Lord God, you created my body out of nothing.
You created it with all its senses: taste, touch,
sight, smell, and hearing that come with it.
Although my mind and body may not understand the
reasoning behind living a chaste lifestyle or by
nature be drawn away from it, I pray you will bless
my body {make the sign of
the cross over your body} and make it chaste according to your Divine Will.
I ask this in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus
Christ.
Amen.
Her is an ad-lib prayer I created for married Christian
couples who are sexually active:
Lord God, you created my body and that of my spouse's
out of nothing. You created them with all its senses:
taste, touch, sight, smell, and hearing that come
with it.
Because we have decided to be open
to new life during our marital acts, and if it
be your will, be co-creators with you in bringing
forth new life for your glory, may you bless
us both with THAT intense sexual pleasure that
comes with this self-giving act, at the right time,
at the right pleasure levels so that both of us
will receive a mutual release of sexual pleasure
in accordance with your divine will for:
- bonding as a husband and a wife
and
- bringing forth new life into the world.
May our marital acts of love bring us closer
together as we openly communicate with each other
and understand each other better, both in mind
and body.
During our periods of continence, may you bless
both our bodies so that we will:
- be able to enjoy
each others physical presence and activities (See
note below) in
accordance
with a Christian couple's life and
- see, in our
spouse, a life-long marital friend, rather then
an object.
We ask this in the name of our Lord and Savior
Jesus Christ.
Amen.
Note below: Normal physical activities between
Christian couples during periods of continence would
include:
- hugs and kisses
- a back massage ... if you can get it : )
- a foot massage ... if you can get it : )
- any thing I missed.
Suggestion: During periods of marital continence,
you can say the single's prayer,
I say after confession.
One last reminder: Criteria for mortal sin:
- Knowledge (knowing it is a sin.)
- Full Consent of the Will
- Serious reflection. (It was no accident.)
If one is missing, there is no mortal sin.
RE: Criteria for a mortal sin from the Catechism:
CCC 1857-1860
1857 For a sin to be mortal, three conditions
must together be met: "Mortal sin is sin whose
object is grave matter and which is also committed
with full knowledge and deliberate consent."
1858 Grave matter is specified by the Ten Commandments,
corresponding to the answer of Jesus to the rich
young man: "Do not kill, Do not commit adultery,
Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not
defraud, Honor your father and your mother." The
gravity of sins is more or less great: murder is
graver than theft. One must also take into account
who is wronged: violence against parents is in
itself graver than violence against a stranger.
1859 Mortal sin requires full knowledge and complete
consent. It presupposes knowledge of the sinful
character of the act, of its opposition to God's
law. It also implies a consent sufficiently deliberate
to be a personal choice. Feigned ignorance and
hardness of heart do not diminish, but rather increase,
the voluntary character of a sin.
1860 Unintentional ignorance
can diminish or even remove the imputably of a
grave offense. But no one is deemed to be ignorant
of the principles of the moral law, which
are written in the conscience of every man. The
prompting's of feelings and passions can also diminish
the voluntary and free character of the offense,
as can external pressures or pathological disorders.
Sin committed through malice, by deliberate choice
of evil, is the gravest.
In this America culture, saturated by sexual overtones,
many people struggle in this area.
Nevertheless, don't do dumb things like receiving
Holy Communion after a lapses from the sins of the
flesh without first going to Confession! There's
a priest there every Saturday.
Don't be scrupulous, just mention it.
Hope this helps,
Mike
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