Hi guys,
Thank you both for your responses!
While I am very sad to know of his past ways of living, I do believe he is now trying his best to live a chaste life.
It is beautiful to know of the transformation which required him to turn away from so many perverse behaviors and lusts; (breaking piece-by-piece from that life was a 5-year process before we even met) a true story of God's grace.
The last thing I want to do is discourage him by accusing him, so I really appreciate the recommendation to make it more of a regular habit to ask for the grace of pure minds when we pray together (as a way to keep him on track, as well as myself). It definitely makes sense to think of it in terms of Pavlovian conditioning. That response to any women he turned to was so ingrained in him before. It makes sense that, as hard as he's worked so far, he's still dealing with the lingering effects on a base level.
I am especially encouraged to have hope that the problem may continue to lessen if the commitment to chastity remains! I am glad to finally get some better answers. Most secular sites just say that this is perfectly normal and a man should deal with it by masturbating (or that a girl should be happy that the guy is attracted to her and take it as flattery that he gets physically aroused). Thus, they aren't any help to me in figuring out the (Catholic/True) way forward.
I was worried about the underlying lust because I wouldn't want to move forward towards a Catholic marriage if he was still giving lust a foothold on his heart — that's just setting both of us up for pain.
I've wrestled with the worry of his past, (will it make him weaker to temptations in the future?), but I know God can transform everything. He has also been committed to a 12-step group for a year (Sexaholics Anonymous), so I think he's doing all he can to take responsibility for and ownership of his return to God.
God bless your work on this site!
PTP Patty
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