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Anonymous Carl wrote: |
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Hi, guys —
My wife, who is on her way to becoming a full Catholic is very full-on when comes to the bedroom and often behaves very un-church-like.
- Is it sinful for her to do these things even though we are married?
- Or should we just be doing the normal sex stuff?
I do enjoy a lot of it but also feel like we are both sinful.
- So, I'm basically asking what's OK and not OK for married couples to do in bed?
Carl
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| { Seeing my wife's becoming Catholic and is full-on when it comes to bedroom behaviors, what's OK for wed couples to do in bed? } |
Mike replied:
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Carl,
Let me extend our congratulations to your wife for joining the Church. Our team consists of both single Catholics and married Catholics. I'm answering as a single Catholic.
My colleague Paul put it the best way in one of his answers:
Paul replied:
Dear Lila,
To distinguish the difference between what is natural to human beings and what is a disordered desire, we must look at the end or purpose of the act.
Sexual love has a double or two-fold end:
- the union of two persons and the potential procreation of a third
- bonding and babies
- love and life, and
- the unitive and the procreative significance.
This two-fold end of love is the surest measure to indicate what is natural and right-ordered.
Permanent bonding and potential babies only make sense within the permanent commitment of marriage. Acts that misuse or abuse the self and others, performed for sexual pleasure and/or motivated by disordered desire, are always intrinsically evil, meaning they can never be good and are always objectively sinful.
This is objectively true regardless of how much the wayward world tells us it is not.
Paul |
Something that is normal and intended within marriage should not be considered sinful, meaning (bonding between couples and acts that bring about babies).
My colleagues may have more to say.
If this doesn't answer your question, just let me know. If you are not Catholic, I would encourage you to contemplate joining with your wife.
Mike |
Bob replied:
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Dear Carl,
Here is a general principle: the male ejaculation should always be in the context of coitus, not some other act, though other acts may be used for arousal. The female orgasm may not be achieved through coitus alone (which is part of the integrity of the union, as well as reproductive system), and therefore more stimulation may be necessary (so her orgasm is not strictly limited to during intercourse but can be achieved in the overall context of the lovemaking). All these efforts must stay in the context of the full coital embrace, being open to the procreative potential of the act. So to just « get each other off » for the sake of such pleasure, without consummating the God given act is a gross distortion, basically sodomy.
- What would differentiate that behavior from a homosexual or any other sexual distortion?
What gives these acts their proper context is the way God linked the procreative and unitive aspects into one whole to nourish the relationship and be fruitful. So in the end if you don't feel like you were uplifting each other, maybe you need to change something.
Peace,
Bob Kirby
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Paul replied:
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Dear Carl,
A principle to keep in mind that differentiates what is natural and good vs. what is perverted and sinful is that all sexual activity between spouses must have its end in genital intercourse.
Insemination anywhere other than the female genital tract is intrinsically disordered and the matter of grave sin. Acts of affection that serve to stimulate or arouse on the way to genital intercourse may be performed as long as both parties agree to them, it's not unhealthy, and no one is harmed.
Contraception is also never permitted.
Peace,
Paul
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