|
Dear friend,
I am so sorry that you have lived with this terrible guilt and pain for so long. We often put off things that are painful because we don't know how to get through the shame, but God is good at these situations and knows exactly how to help.
First, you need to know that God loves you despite your grievous mistakes. Of course, there is hope for you, you are not alone, and Jesus knew your sins and my sins when He went to the Cross for us. He was willing to redeem even the things we have a hard time forgiving ourselves. Sin is never pretty, but Jesus promised us a way out and a better future on the other side, where all our tears will be wiped away and even what was lost will be restored. God is a miracle worker, and what you can't even imagine God can do, trust that what you are incapable of fixing, Jesus can. Surrender it all to Him, and you will heal. Now for the logistics . . .
Under Pope Francis, the norms regarding Reconciliation, with respect to abortion, have changed, and it is not required to go to a bishop for Confession as was in the past. You can bring this to any priest and receive absolution. You should abstain from Communion until you do so.
The matter of automatic ex-communication, which you may have heard about with respect to your circumstance, can be complicated because the requirements for that can be mitigated by a number of factors: age, consent, knowledge, etc. In any case, even if it were true in your case, that would be nullified and restored through Confession, and in God's Eyes, it really begins the moment you turn back to Him.
Think of the parable of the prodigal son. The Father saw the son coming from a distance and prepared for the celebration. You must see God loving you as a good father who is patching things up with a child whom He has missed dearly.
This is a painful sin to get past, but this isn't the first time God has moved on from such things. You must realize that satan wants to keep you in the darkness of this sin and wallowing in the shame. He doesn't want you to be set free or trust that God can fix things. Now you must move into a new place of gratitude and healing. When you find this transition difficult, remember it is not about what we deserve but rather the goodness of God. That's the key. Get the focus on God and how good He is, not how much we fail. Forgiveness is plentiful in God, and He has a Contrite Heart He never scorns. Your heart has been broken for a long time. Now let Him heal it.
Peace,
Bob Kirby |
