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Hypothetically, if my wife enjoys anal sex and
I enjoy oral sex and given that any act
of foreplay is valid between married couples, as
long as it is not used as a substitute
for intercourse (therefore leaving open the
door to conception), I have a question.
In my
situations, my wife had to undergo a hysterectomy
for health reasons therefore leaving it
impossible for us to conceive.
Since intercourse
between us cannot possibly lead to conception, can't we reach orgasm in any way that is
mutually acceptable between us (in the unitive act
of lovemaking)?
Anonymous
{
Since our conjugal embrace cannot lead to conception, can't we reach orgasm any way we wish? }
Mary Ann replied:
Hi Anonymous,
There are intrinsic reasons why anal sex should not be practiced.
First, It is extraordinarily
dangerous and unhealthy. The lining of the bowel does not have the
protective layer of skin cells that the external skin and the vagina have, and it
tears quite easily. Each tear is a superhighway for germs: (HPV) Human papillomavirus, which causes:
anal
cancer
bacteria from the intestines, and
other viruses.
Gay bowel disease is
not spoken of, out of political correctness, but is a real syndrome.
The activity
also damages the sphincter. There is also an [immune/autoimmune] problem with anal
sex.
Vaginal cells have a mechanism for disarming the allergy-causing
potential of sperm, which,
in one way, biochemically merge with the cells (we really
do become one flesh in vaginal sex); but anal and colon cells lack
this protection. There is a good article on the health issues of anal sex that ran
about a year or so ago in Ethics and Medics, a publication of the National Catholic Bioethics Center. The article sums up the medical and philosophical problems on the health issues of anal sex.
Secondly, the activity itself is perverse, and a turning aside from the
purpose of the organs, and the use of what is meant for excretion as a way of entry.
So the act itself says, on the part of the woman, I reject you. On
the part of the man, the act says, I don't really want to unite with you. This
is also in keeping with the biochemical mechanism mentioned above, which facilitates
union in the vagina, but not in the colon.
Instead, the colon allows only germs and
viruses to enter and unite with the body and enter the bloodstream.
Hope this helps,
Mary Ann
Mike replied:
Hi, Anonymous —
Most of the time, we don't deal in hypotheticals when answering questions.
A answer to a hypothetical question can, many times, lead to a heretical understanding of the faith, but allow me to add the following to what Mary Ann has said.
Solely based on the physical make up of both men and women, the natural law tells them the primary purpose of sexual activity is for:
babies, and
bonding within the marital covenant.
(Outside the marital covenant, there is no life time commitment.)
Both men and women were also created with what I call a hierarchy of pleasures.
Paraphrasing from another answer I gave to a different question:
You see, God created both man and woman, with a kind of hierarchy of
pleasures to be used according to His Divine Providence.
Used in the way that the Lord has ordained for both men and women, pleasure is not only OK and very good, but intentionally built into both men and women.
When our Lord created us, he attached certain types of pleasure to things we do.
What am I talking about?
Well, whether you are at work or at home, I am sure there are a number of times you have to go to the bathroom during the day and it has nothing to do with grooming yourself. In our family we call this:
Taking a mother nature break.
I don't think there is one reader of this web posting that will disagree that there is a big pleasure in taking a mother nature break.
Why is pleasure attached to going to the bathroom?
Because if we didn't go to the bathroom, the toxins in our waste would kill us and we would die.
How about eating and drinking?
Surely everyone will agree that, for most of us, this is a pleasurable activity.
Why?
Because if we didn't eat or drink, over time, we would die.
What we see during our daily lives are various levels of pleasures attached to certain activities that both men and women do, including:
hugging our (boyfriend|girlfriend|husband|wife) during a date.
holding our (boyfriend|girlfriend|husband|wife's) hand during a date.
petting our (boyfriend|girlfriend|husband|wife) during a date.
getting our back or feet rubbed by our (boyfriend|girlfriend|husband|wife)
kissing our (boyfriend|girlfriend|husband|wife)
Of all the pleasures attached to all the activities we do, probably the greatest pleasure is that of sexual activity.
Why?
Because it has the potential each time to bring a new life, with an immortal soul, into the world!!
A new life made in the image and likeness of God, made for a specific purpose in life.
When we use these pleasures for reasons other than what they were intended for, sin followed by sickness will occur. The same is true when we receive Holy Communion with mortal sin that has not been confessed in the sacrament of Confession. St. Paul tells us as much.
You said: ... and given that any act
of foreplay is valid between married couples, as
long as it is not used as a substitute
for intercourse ...
I need to correct you. Any act of foreplay has to lead up to the ultimate bonding and mating of a husband and his wife. That's what the word fore means: before.
You said: Hypothetically, if my wife enjoys anal sex and
I enjoy oral sex and given that any act
of foreplay is valid between married couples, as
long as it is not used as a substitute
for intercourse (therefore leaving open the
door to conception), I have a question:
In my
situations, my wife had to undergo a hysterectomy
for health reasons therefore leaving it
impossible to conceive.
Since intercourse
between us cannot possibly lead to conception, can't we reach orgasm in any way that is
mutually acceptable between us in the unitive act
of lovemaking?
Both anal sex and oral sex are using parts of the body in ways they were not intended to be used by God's own design and please, don't complain that the Church is barring or limiting your pleasure.
No, the design our various body parts were meant for certain purposes. If you don't wish to accept this, don't complain about physical problems you have down the road. When you use certain parts of the body for purposes they were never intended to be used for, you are bringing the problem on to yourself.
Even though your wive has had a hysterectomy, you are still welcome to bond as husband and wife within the marital, sacramental, convent we call Marriage.
